I paid tax

Monday, February 16, 2009

the last week before practicum. i'll be thrown into the deep in next week and i don't know how i will fare. haha. all the teaching experiences in ctss, tss, and nus, will they count for anything? haha the excellent tutor award from nus, does it have any bearing? haha. all i know is that, the path is laid down before me and i have to walk.

i'd be lying to myself if i were to say that the passion for teaching still runs deep inside me. ask me that during my masters year and i'll tell u that for sure i want to be a teacher. but somehow, something inside me has changed. maybe it's that one year of conducting tutorials for engine students. maybe i burnt out then.

or maybe it was the army. maybe it was cos i felt the immense satisfaction of training a first class team, bonding and then achieving excellence with them. maybe i felt purposeful in my actions. maybe i felt appreciated.

i dunno what it is, but as with all things, i approach it with a rather deontological mindest. i've committed myself to it and thus will do the best that i can in it. i guess that is the best commitment i can provide now. i guess maybe the army hypothesis is right. the more i think about it, the more i want to assume a more leadership role. one where i get to lead a team. i certainly hope i'll education will offer that to me in the time to come.

the passion for teaching i have lost. but the overwhelming desire to do the best i can in it is still there. i guess it sort of compensates for it, and can probably serve as a substitute till i find my fix. i'll find it someday. i just hope its soon. lol.

{3:07 PM}

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