Thursday, July 27, 2006
grandmother's back. no more travelling down to bukit batok. so that's a good thing! hahastill contemplating if i should go down for the flute section gathering. j3 to j10. that's a heck of a lot of generations of flutes. haha. will go for drinks only i guess. but can only reach at 8 plus. not much point ya. we'll see.
school's going to start soon. and i have yet to decide on one module. algebraic topology is irritating me. i'm sure if i want to take it at all. or should i try my luck with grad algebra. or even worse, computational mathematics. i've more or less decided on group, topo, and graph. so only 1 to go. wonder what yongquan has chosen. should i choose workload over interest? i think i answered my own question chatting with kj over lunch. maybe i'll do berrick's course afterall. we'll see how it goes. see who's going to be applying for it in the first place. the more the merrier.
dont you hate it when you're all ready to plan something and then u realise that alot of things have not been confirmed or will change depending on future events. then, being the planner, you start to try and plan for all eventualities 9 out of 10 will never even remotely happen. it's almost some sort of ocd.
13 weeks plus exams. 13 weeks and i would have completed the academic portion of my masters degree. haha amazing isnt it. i would be amazed if i get thru these 13 weeks with my limbs intact. haha! and then i can finally go back to doing research. i havent touched any of that stuff for so long. and if i really want to go for an immersion in 2008, by back calculation, i need to start my NS latest by 3 may. pretty early ya. which means i need to get results quickly. sometimes i think it's not really feasible for me to think about going for any immersions anymore. but if i dont grab this opportunity now, i may never have the chance again. idealistic as we may all be, money is a very important factor in life. even without a spouse and kids, there are parents to take care of. households to maintain. my mum is almost below water as she waits for 1) her chance to draw upon her cpf and 2) for my sis and i to start contributing to household maintenance. i'm already contributing to the maid's pay, but it's insignificant. eventually, when i start to work, the bulk of the expenses will be on my tab. i will become the primary breadwinner. scary thought isnt it. and so, the accumulation of cash for luxury things like travel, immersions, or even further studies becomes a distant 3rd. behind the necessities of life, and little luxuries for oneself and one's family. and if one gets married and has kids. well let's just say the distant 3rd becomes the unreachable 3rd.
caleb was right when he said that he's not stupid enough to not realise that having a good job and a good pay certainly helps create a good family enviroment. certainly it isnt everything. but it sure is the start of most things.
i have a friend who has a plan when to get married, another who's started saving, another who's already proposed, and another who has already gotten married. sometimes i really makes you sit down and think about your priorities right?
waiting for gerri's reply. maybe i'll pop by for drinks afterall. haha.
{7:03 PM}
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Monday, July 24, 2006
i've just performed an orthopedic operation on my right altec lansing speaker. haha it's in a cast now, but i dun expect it to ever recover from it. so the cast will be there premanatly i believe. haha!grandma was supposed to come home today. but, it's been postponed to wednesday. for reasons i'm tired of explaining. but hey at least things are moving along. the maid has arrived. hmmm wait that sounds a little freaky. OUR maid has arrived. haha she's quite a pleasant person. 6 years older than me and married with 2 kids already. she speaks mainly malay which means that i can barely communicate with her. hahaha but that's fine, cos she's supposed to be here to help take care of my grandma, not me.
25 more days to $$$ and 8 days to matriculation and 14 days to start of school and 16 days to ndp!
i watched the alibi last night. i wonder how i missed it when it came out in singapore earlier this year. in fact, i dont even know if it did. but i sure am glad that i caught it now. it's a great comedy for those who prefer getting laughs from things other than someone getting his head stuck in a turkey.
listening to some piano concerto now for the past hour. it's been repeating on my comp. ah time to get ready to go to the hospital again. short post. ciao!
{10:16 AM}
3 Comments:
u've got ndp tix??!!??
haha... no la... if i did would have asked u a long time ago... haha i'm just counting down to it... haha will u guys have the day off?
By 
20 sec interval... fire!!, at
8:33 PM
day off? hmm... unlikely... may even be on call... :(
Thursday, July 20, 2006
watched 2 dvds and a movie in the span of 2 days. not bad. but they were not my usual fare. nevertheless they were entertaining.
'8 below'. a movie i wanted to catch but it seemed targeted for little kids and i certainly did not want to be in a theatre with heaps of parents and their little ones. the reason why i wanted to catch it? the dogs and the landscape. and after watching it (with the making-of video included in the dvd), i'm even more compelled to retire one day to some remote snow blanketed region of this world. i guess the plot was a little well, i guess unimaginative is probably the best word, but hey, it's supposed to be an inspirational story based on a true story, so i didnt expect any interesting turn of events. but the lanscape was just spectacular. i guess i have a soft spot for things white. haha!
'keeping mum' and 'thank you for smoking' were both good comedies. it's been a long time since i've laughed quite a bit watching movies. i heard pirates of the caribbean is also laughter inducing. anyway, both movies had witty diaglogues and a great plot, even though one could immediately feel that there was a slight difference between the 2. i havent figured out what that is. but one was more like a typical british comedy and the other, well, actually 'thank you for smoking' was kinda like 'snatch' minus the action. all in all a good laugh!i'm counting down. 4 more days (excluding today) to my grandma's return. and then, no more trips down to the hospital daily.
i just realised how possibly impossible next year's grad trip may be. hmmm, need to go off for a while, maybe i'll write more later.
{10:13 AM}
2 Comments:
Yea I've watched the first one, and everytime the scene switches to the dogs, I'll go "Awwww...~" I just melted~ haha
By 
, at
3:52 PM
Haha! U noe wat? My mum just said the exact same thing to me when i passed her the dvd to go return it! Haha!
By 20 sec interval... fire!!, at
7:48 PM
Sunday, July 16, 2006
do you ever get the feeling every now and then that you're wasting your time doing something very pointless? haha! nevermind.my mattress has yet to arrive. tomorrow they say.
spent one whole day trying to figure out what modules to take next semester. and right now, i havent the slightest clue what that might be. i only know that i will be taking group theory and graph theory II for sure. other potions include advanced coding theory, graduate algebra 1, algebraic topology, computational mathematics, logic and foundations of mathematics. it's not like i have a wealth of suitable options. more like choosing between the devil and the deep blue sea. hoinam thinks i'm going to die this semester. probably not physically i hope by mentally and emotionally. haha. tkm thinks that i should be able to handle 5 since i could handle 7. we'll see at the end of the day.
i wonder if i should really invest in korean. or perhaps i should just go alliance francaise and brush up french. i guess french would be the more logical option, if not for the part where it actually costs significantly more to continue french than to learn korean. but why learn a language when you have no chance to practise it in singapore? i mean you spend 5 years learning and then 1 year down the road of not using it, and almost half of it is gone. maybe i should try and find a penpal. haha some french person who wants to learn english. he'll write in english and i'll write in french (or korean for that matter). i wonder if there's like some site online that allocates penpals to people who register. haha! ooh there are tons! but that's kind of freaky if you ask me. hmmm i wonder if people still do the snail mail penpal letter sending and stuff. i know my sister still sends lots of snail mails to her friend in the states. in fact she's now over there visiting her now. but i really dont know of anyone with and actualy snail mail penpal. actually if you think about it, the concept of a penpal really does seem quite alluring (if you get a suitable pal that is). i mean you get to learn about a new culture, sometimes a new language. you get a certain form of companionship, sort of like a living diary who you can write about almost anything without fear of any direct repercussions because 1) the person is on the other side of the world and 2) the pal is not a friend in the traditional sense of the word. and because of the slow nature of snail mail, you probably will never ever see your pal in real life. ok maybe just once. but i guess with the advent of technology. with internet and emails and chat rooms, quickly wiping out the charm of the painfully slow process of sending and recieving envelopes and parcels, it sometimes is difficult to see past the torturing inefficiency of postage.
anyway, my room looks alot better now. almost ready to face the battle for the next half a year. all i need now is a new super firm support pillow. wow gosh i sound like an old person. back pain. neck pain. arm pain. foot pain. aiyoh. i cant imagine what i'll be like in just 10 years time.
macau open next week. too bad no telecast here.
haha anyway the lake house starring sandra bullock and keanu reeves opens next week. another one of those soapy love stories i think. but it's sandra bullock so i think i'll probably catch it. any takers? haha?
oops... elizabeth and yongquan are online now. time to send them half my tutorials. haha and half of terence's. haha!
{11:28 PM}
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Thursday, July 13, 2006
my life has become a cyclic routine. almost everything happens with clockwork precision week in week out. i wouldnt mind it all that much if it had a little more excitement in it (i know i will regret saying this one day), but alas i'm still kind of trapped into this little black hole of too much time with nothing to do at places i have to be.
anyway, here's a photo of the recent class outing. i think the turn out must have been the worst in years. maybe it was the world cup perhaps? but we came in 2 batches. the dinner batch and then the settlers cafe games batch. a small handful stayed for both. i didnt because of my vanity. i wanted to go back at 11 so that i could sleep early to reduce my eye bags because my commencement ceremony was the next morning.
went to get a new mattress yesterday. chose a really firm king koil one. until my mum exclaimed at the price. and then after i had gone about chosing a second choice, she decided that my back and spine was more important than the cost and decided to buy it afterall (i exerted no pressure i swear. haha! i even kept pestering her to buy the cheaper alternative which was almost half the price!). we'll see if i can get dreams of gold by sleeping on that one this coming saturday. haha! offered to help my mom pay a little every month to help her with her installment plan but as usual she refused citing that i'm already gonna be partially paying for the maid and my own stuff and i'm in theory not even drawing any income. oh well i tried.
it's every once in a while i get things like that from my parents. my mum actually. i dont usually get new clothes on chinese new year and stuff like that. but i get new mattresses or more practical stuff that i can actually use. my dad. hmmm he bought me a tie for my commencement. but before that, i cant really remember the last thing he bought me. must have been eons ago. no birthday or christmas presents. not that i'm complaining, haha! i guess without him getting me anything, it has become almost customary for me and my sis not to get him anything either. what a sad state of affairs. the good thing is, we dont buy redundant presents for each other. everything bought has a use and will be put to good use. rather than buying shirts i'll never wear or an mp3 player when i already have one etc. i guess the way my family runs has in some sense developed my own sense of personal identity. i like to get the things i want and i only use the things that i get or that i personally like. that's why i always think its better to give a voucher or an ang bao as a birthday gift. or better still, just a lunch or dinner treat. that way, your thoughts and concern are transmitted without any excessive loss. some people may argue that giving cash or buying lunches is like a cheap fix to the tedious process of finding the perfect gift for someone. sort of a easy way out. and i admit it is easier. but why does our concern always have to be measured by how close the present is to the recipient's liking or the trouble one goes through to obtain it. it makes sense to judge a present like that if it is a sort of momento. something you'd be really surprised in recieving because you could not get it yourself or otheriwse. like maybe a phtograph you dont have nicely framed up, or a t-shirt of someone you've idolised. but i think if the present is something like say a book on concentration camps (which i gave to weiquan last year) or some silly 3d photo (gave to francis last year) which i dont think is of any use and something which they probably could have bought but would never have, then maybe its better to let them find something they like. but then again, the general rule these days is to make an effort and even if the person doesnt really like the gift, at least they know the effort made. but sadly, haha alot of times, i choose presents based on what i would like to recieve. yes concentration camp books and silly 3d photos. 1 or 2 will be fine for me. haha! for me it was not the presents that mattered, but the people, their time and their company that did.
{12:37 AM}
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Monday, July 10, 2006
9 more days before the maid arrives which more or less equates to 12 days before my grandma can come home. finally i dont have to make the trip down to bukit batok almost every afternoon. i'm not sure how much better it would be with her back at home, but hey, at least she's home.
mum treated me to a meal at sistina yesterday. i ate till i nearly exploded. haha i think it must have cost a bomb. the steak i ordered cost 48 bucks i think! man! but she said it was to celebrate my graduation! oh well. i rarely get to eat good steak these days. always having to settle for the lousy cheap $5 ones at hawker centres which if u ask me, should be called a thin beef slice instead of a steak. oh and some of them dont even know the meaning of rare when told how well the 'steak' is to be done. but all in all it was a nice meal. full course for me, except i declined to drink coffee after everything because a) i was so stuffed i couldnt put anything donw my throat and b) i was so sleepy i wanted to go back and zzz.
went back and took a nap after that. decided to give myself a break from visiting my grandma because i had to meet terence and caleb for dinner at hougang mall. yes not only did i agree to the location, i actually suggested it. i just felt happy to be going out with them. haha! it's been really ages since i have done something like that. to meet up with a few close friends, to have a nice slow dinner, and chat with no time restrictions whatsoever. i think i must have been the happiest yesterday for a long long time.
caleb will be doing masters in 2 years, which means that he will be joining terence and i in nie as well. this just keeps getting better! haha! see everything works out well in the end. everything that we were once disappointed or depressed about has happened for a reason and now the outcome looks so much brighter than before.
i guess it's really easy to say that when you've already been through the hardship/pain. but really, i dont believe that it is impossible to learn or to wire oneself into turning a disappointment into a situation where we have something to look forward to. for every bad thing that happens, there will be something modestly good that we can gain out of it, if only we care to spend the effort in searching for it. and then by focusing on those positive energies instead, not only will we skip part of the path of depression, we also now have something new to look forward to.
anywayz, off to visit grandma earlier today so i can go for dinner later. cya!
{2:14 PM}
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Saturday, July 08, 2006
i was surfing around youtube for gatekeeper anime videos. yes it was the first anime i liked. cant even remember when it was released though. and due to some copyright issue, it's been removed form the site. but i stumbled across this video while looking for badminton videos. cool huh! they do it so elegantly and smoothly!tomorrow's commencement. so fast and my undergraduate life will be officially over celebrated by going up stage to recieve an empty scroll from the dean, only to recieve the real cert en route back to my seat from the stage. will probably be going through another ceremony next year when i complete my masters. haha and then another one when my sister graduates the following year. haha! terence managed to grab hold of an extra ticket from hanmao, who incidentally is the reserve valedictorian. haha! i really wonder if there every has been the case where the valedictorian has failed to show up. hmmm. watched a bit of the medicine commemcement ceremony yesterday. but largely spent the time laughing at how their deam pronounces, or rather, MISpronounces their names. haha! geraldine was as usual full of smiles and grinned all the walk when she walked on stage to the moment she was off teh camera. haha! mf looked normal except for the fact that his gown kept flapping open (gosh i hope mine doesnt). i missed weiquan because i was blankly staring at the screen waiting for people who i knew to walk on stage. i thought that when their names were read, i would instantly take notice and refocus on the screen. but the next name i noticed was agnes who is a huang, and so i missed mr or shld i say DR heng. dilin looked very cute, like a p6 going up to recieve some book prize. haha! had a very silly grin on his face! haha!
anyway will be going for a class outing today. jc class that is. zd is back from australia en route back home to beijing. havent seen most of these guys for the past year, but i'm glad we still meet up every year. hope dayna will be going (highly unlikely though) haha, then i can ask her about stuff pertaining to teaching in rj (although i feel more and more compelled to apply to hc now since i already know 2 people teaching there and 3 more who want to teach there! haha).
i went for my medical examination for the graduate programme on thrusday. i am oficially still 1.78 but now, i've lost 3 kg so i'm 64, urrrgh! luckily i'm still in the healthy bmi range, but i think i need to put on a bit more weight to avoid looking so skeletal. hope i havent been losing weight due to the stress of the past few weeks!
dont you just hate it whenever you see things in the newspaper like "a reputable boy's school in bishan" or "a top junior college in bishan". i just think it's so pretentious. i mean to me, the newspaper, especially the section that reports on issues other than the latest hollywood fad, should be a source of neutral information. well not totally neutral, but as neutral as it can get. to me, if the name of the school needs to be made know, then just make it known, loud and clear. if it cannot be made known, then there is no need to start hinting. such sentences carry with them a certain sense of sarcasm, which at times, depending on the rest of the article, seem to riddicule the mentioned school. it would be acceptable to me, for one to make such comments as a form of speech between friends or enemies in a non formal context, but to have it down in print and even more so in a newspaper just doesnt feel right. i guess writters (do i even have the authority to comment? haha!) sometimes need to be a little more conscious of matching their style fo writting with that of the medium used. or maybe, i'm just being irritated with the fact that it almost always seemingly refers to RI, RGS or RJ.
i think it's time for me to bathe and prepare to go visit my grandma again. buying her tang yuan again. hope she doesnt cry again today. sigh!
{1:36 PM}
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Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i decided to take a break from visiting my grandma today. bad stomach. been in and out of the loo quite a bit. not too sure why though.every try to give someone advice and it comes back to bite you? it's really a pain isnt it. it's even worse when the person spots you not following your own advice and makes the paradox clear. i guess it is pretty easy to dish out advice when you're not involved in the situation. but everything else becomes a blur when you're bogged down by these problems you want to solve. so in some sense, it is good that some poeple even bother to point this contradiction out. regardless of the intention or the reason for highlighting it to you, the result is that you would now have a pathway towards analysing why would you think so differently in these circumstances. i guess i'm being rather confusing because i'm not talking about anything concrete. but i just dont feel like talking about anything substantial now.
havent read the newspapers in god knows how long, and i havent watched the news in what must be weeks! so i'm possibly the most uninformed person my age in singapore right now. haha. ignorance is bliss huh. dont know anything. dont care about anything. what a seemingly carefree kind of life. kind of pathetic if you ask me. and yet, there are times where we all look forward to such a life. sure, knowledge is power, but it is also extra weight on one's shoulders. and when the going gets tough, we all sometimes feel like jettisoning everything.
was looking around for a song to suit my mood now. and it was a tough search today. finally settled on the battle theme from narnia. of all things right. i guess the only word to describe my mood now is 'dramatic'. interpret that in any way you want to. i dont even know myself. haha!
no badminton these days. or at least not televised. but happy with wimbledon. although i'm down to rooting for one person. the rest of the 5 who participated on the left have fallen like flies. want to watch the french and wimbledon next year. shulin doesnt mind watching it next year too. so if i want to catch the tournaments, i have to head to europe around end may early june and stay till july. but gerri can only go iceland in april. sigh. it is rather difficult to organise anything these days. i guess as we all grow older, we need to be more discrening in our choices. we need to weight the importances of each decision more carefully as each oppourtunity is in itself more precious than it was say 5 years ago. working life has proved an insurmountable challenge for some to climb. and while i relish the challenge of working, i still have to wait a excrutiatingly long 3 years before i even officially start to WORK (although i start drawing a paycheck in 2). you know, the most painful part of not working yet, is that everyone else around you is. and so, the people who you seem to have hung around with for what seems like an eternity, have lost the freedom to spend the same amount of time with you. so i'm actually looking forward to the sem starting. 2 level 4000 modules plus 2 level 5000 modules plus seminar plus departmental duties would ensure that i do not have the time to feel all alone. life does become an equation at times. we just need to find the right balance to achieve our physical, mental and emotional needs.
taking a surverying glance across my 'in the process of being tidied up' room, i see a collection of my AD&D books, 3 tys books and a stack of jc math notes which i used to give tuition last year, a copy of invocation and toccata hanging precariously from my cabinet, the nicest picture i've ever taken (comissioning ball), my french and japanese language books, the nicolas catalogue which i got in france for my 21st birthday barely an hour after finishing my entrance exam for ecole polytechnique, the book hanmao got for my birthday in sweden last year, my masters enrolement booklet and forms and the iceland lonely planet guide i recently bought among the other junk that i have. not bad for a resprentation of my life from secondary school up until now. from the excessive playing and obsession with AD&D during secondary school, to the band filled days of JC. from the rigour of army, to the start of my NUS days and the french double degree programme. from my graduation trip in sweden switzerland and germany, to my present state in limbo and to my future course in NUS and future trip to iceland. i can say i've lead a pretty interesting life from then till now, with an even more interesting future awaiting me. with all the whining i've done on this blog, i feel guilty for not being appreciative, so i apologise.
anyway, terence and caleb are back. finally. haha! hope to meet up with them soon. and it's time for me to head to the toilet again. i feel like a cow that's eaten an etnire field of grass. burp! urgh! later!
{5:11 PM}
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Tuesday, July 04, 2006
haha. i like my blog music! i personally think it's one of those pieces that when youre sad makes you feel suicidal and when your happy, it intensifies the joy. so right now you can guess i'm happy. or at least i'm not sad.there is nothing exception that i'm happy about today. i just feel glad that i have dreams and aspirations that i may one day achieve. i like to sit back and imagine what it would be like if they all happened. i know some of them are by and large unachievable, but the whole idea about day dreaming is about visualising the apparent 'impossibilities' in life. it's always nice to think of what could have been and what could be, even though sometimes there isnt anything you can do about it. but i guess it sort of brings you out of reality for a while. in that instant, you see things you never saw before, and you learn a bit more about yourself as you go on. and the best part about day dreaming, is that in that very rare occasion that your dreams do in fact materialise themselves one day, the most profound sense of bliss would envelop your very soul. i'm sure everyone knows what i am talking about. inside, we all have something we hope will happen. something we know is very unlikely, but yet, exactly because it is unlikely and not impossible, do we bear a clinging sense of hope. and when it really happens, we acknoledge that we have not been silently bearing this hope for naught.
but i feel that it's only good to carry such hopes provided they do not hinder one's present life in any significantly detrimental way. our dreams should be dealt with like spare cash we use to gamble. the pool of money we set aside for gambling should already be taken as lost and gone. and any profit taken as a gain. some people dream but are afraid to admit that they may never achieve their goals. i guess to some extent this provides some with a 'never say die' attitude towards life. but in most cases, the negative aspect of being deluded and blinded by these dreams far superceed the apparent benefits.
anyway, supposed to have dinner with yinkoh this coming monday. havent seen her in like years. haha! glad she's returned to singapore for 'a long long time' however long that may be. haha! wore the toric lenses today. non disposable. it was good for a while. but my eyes are red now. i guess it takes time getting used to them, afterall, i've been used to the thinner more oyygenated disposable lenses. but i think i look horrendous without spectacles anyway so i should be getting a nice pair instead of the lenses. time to update my budget plan. too bad i will have to wear lenses this commencement since my current pair (glasses) has some part of the paint scraped off. or maybe i will wear glasses, if my eyebags dont subside then i guess i'll have no choice but to wear glasses!
gosh my eyes are soooo tired. time to give them some rest. au revoir!
{9:55 PM}
0 Comments:
nicholas!! youre soooo hopeless!! wake up!!
sigh. i know that when i put my mind to something i can achieve anything and i've done it again. but sometimes. i really wonder why i even bother. like it's going to do any good.
nevermind. today when i stepped into the hosptial just in time for the supposed singapore chinese orch performance, i saw my grandma talking to one of the resident doctors there. he left her bedside just as i was approaching. when she saw me, she yelled "ah ask him. he's my grandson!". obviously i did not have the slightest inking of what was going on. but the doctor apparently did not hear her and walked about 5 more meters to record some stuff down. my grandmother immediately grabbed my arm and said "go tell the doctor i've only been here for 2 days. he keeps saying i've been her for 2 weeks!". of course my most natural reaction was to calm her down and tell her that it has indeed been more than 2 weeks since she was admitted. i dont know if i did the right thing, but she broke down almost immediately. with a silent cry, she slapped her head with her left plam and said in cantonese "dim gai hoi gom yong ga". i felt so sad for her at that very instance. it must be so painful to be sane enough to realise that your losing your mind. it's like being alive to feel that ur losing your life. of course, the only natural thing left for me to do was to tell her that it was quite dark in the hospital and that she probably couldnt tell if it was night or it was day so did not have a good grasp of time. told her i would bring the newspapers for her to read tomorow so she can look at the dates. but really, at that instance looking at my grandma weeping and banging her head. i felt so helpless. perhaps my mum was right perhaps i should have lied. but what good could that possibily do? lie after lie after lie? hai. hope the psycho geriatrician can provide some help when we see him/her next week.
hai. i dont know what to do these days. i'm so distracted by one or two things. thus as you can see form my entries, i no longer have the luxury of letting my mind think about other more debatable and philosophical things that i've written about in the past. i mean, i'm certainly not stressed per se. it's more like i've yet to figure out how to deal with some of my emotions. some of which have been a relatively new experience for me. i guess i just have to keep my mind open to the fact that i will learn something great when all this is over.
anyway on to something that made me smile. visited my niece who is 4 in kk hospital today because she fell ill on sunday. when we were leaving, my cousin asked her to give a hug to my mum. she absolutely refused to even though i think my mum is probably one of the nicer people to her. then when they asked her to hug me, she stretched her arms out wide and grabbed me. haha! it was really quite shocking because i dont ever play with her. i leave that to my sis so can deal with her. my cousin and her husband were obviously amused too, and asked her again to hug my mum. she just sat there as if she did not hear anything and when they asked her to hug me again, she did the same thing. haha! then my mum was saying that they better send her to all girls schools for as long as possible. cos she only wants to hug guys. hahaha!! wat an amusing visit. made me smile a bit after what happened with my grandma this afternoon.
tomorrow, i shall be playing badminton with kj again. and he has invited this girl to play with us again. somehow i get the feeling he's after her. so i always feel very out of place when we go for lunch after the game. dang!
anyway it should be time for me to relax a bit. get some of the negative energy out of my system. hope u like the music. i like it but i think it can be a bit melancholy at times. haha!
{12:23 AM}
0 Comments:
Monday, July 03, 2006
i think the singapore chinese orchestra is going to perform at the hospital my grandma is stay at today. i told her i would arrive on time to bring her down to watch. haha! she so cute when she's not insulting and scolding people. she asked me to bring nice clothes for her. how to go concert without nice clothes? haha!i intended to go for my medical check up this morning. but decided to postpone it to thursday. no reason why. i think i was just to tired to get up at 7 plus.
my sis is in manhattan now. maybe not. she should have reached newport already. my dad's in perth. so that leaves my mum and i at home. we had dinner at coffee bean yesterday. discussed their retirement and stuff and transferring of responsibilities. fiscal that is. payment for this and that. it's only right that i should take over the brunt of it. even though my sis and i would start working at exactly the same time (can you imagine it, she's 3 years my junior!! what have i been doing!!). and i realise that in the initial years it will probably be a bit tougher on me i guess but hopefully after a few years and increments it should be ok.
my mum also asked about my plans to further my studies in france or sweden after i complete my bond. i havent yet decided what i would want to do a phd in yet. maybe educational policy? or something else? i dont think i have the calibre to do mathematical research. so a phd in math is probably not feasible. told her that i intend to work overseas for a few years if i can. maybe get a posting in france or apply for another job over there. she seems to think that this equates to me wanting to migrate even though i've consistantly told her that i would never move away from singapore permanantly. i guess i just want to live a different sort of life every now and then. and as i was saying to roon the otherday, it really helps when youre becoming more and more disociated with people and things around you. what a sad state of affairs. anyway i told her that i believe that my plan to further studies will probably remain as it is. a plan.
somedays, i just like to lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. listening to music. i dont really remember what i'm thinking about during these sessions but they do make me feel a lot better. life's good if you make it good. sometimes as things around us get more and more complicated, and as we try and struggle to find the solutions for the problems that other solutions have brought about, we lose sight of the fact that life is indeed very simple. happiness is very simple. it's days where i lie in bed with absolutely nothing to do. nothing to think about. no one to talk to. no one to bother me. no incessant drilling (like there is now coming from the flat below, or so my mum says but i think above). these are the days i think i'm the happiest. life's only as complicated as you would want it to be and all we need sometimes is to afford our bodies and minds with the privillage of doing absolutely nothing. to relieve our brains from the task of recieving, filtering and then interpreting the signals from our 5 senses. to just lie down, stare but see nothing, listen but hear nothing, touch but feel nothing, swallow but taste nothing, breathe but smell nothing, almost as if in a comatose state. you should try that one day. the day you feel that there are so many tasks to accomplish, so many people to please, so many problems to solve. too bad i cant do it today. a new home needs to be made upstairs (down according to mom...).
oh well. here's wishing everyone a good day ahead.
{11:51 AM}
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