Tuesday, July 04, 2006
nicholas!! youre soooo hopeless!! wake up!!
sigh. i know that when i put my mind to something i can achieve anything and i've done it again. but sometimes. i really wonder why i even bother. like it's going to do any good.
nevermind. today when i stepped into the hosptial just in time for the supposed singapore chinese orch performance, i saw my grandma talking to one of the resident doctors there. he left her bedside just as i was approaching. when she saw me, she yelled "ah ask him. he's my grandson!". obviously i did not have the slightest inking of what was going on. but the doctor apparently did not hear her and walked about 5 more meters to record some stuff down. my grandmother immediately grabbed my arm and said "go tell the doctor i've only been here for 2 days. he keeps saying i've been her for 2 weeks!". of course my most natural reaction was to calm her down and tell her that it has indeed been more than 2 weeks since she was admitted. i dont know if i did the right thing, but she broke down almost immediately. with a silent cry, she slapped her head with her left plam and said in cantonese "dim gai hoi gom yong ga". i felt so sad for her at that very instance. it must be so painful to be sane enough to realise that your losing your mind. it's like being alive to feel that ur losing your life. of course, the only natural thing left for me to do was to tell her that it was quite dark in the hospital and that she probably couldnt tell if it was night or it was day so did not have a good grasp of time. told her i would bring the newspapers for her to read tomorow so she can look at the dates. but really, at that instance looking at my grandma weeping and banging her head. i felt so helpless. perhaps my mum was right perhaps i should have lied. but what good could that possibily do? lie after lie after lie? hai. hope the psycho geriatrician can provide some help when we see him/her next week.
hai. i dont know what to do these days. i'm so distracted by one or two things. thus as you can see form my entries, i no longer have the luxury of letting my mind think about other more debatable and philosophical things that i've written about in the past. i mean, i'm certainly not stressed per se. it's more like i've yet to figure out how to deal with some of my emotions. some of which have been a relatively new experience for me. i guess i just have to keep my mind open to the fact that i will learn something great when all this is over.
anyway on to something that made me smile. visited my niece who is 4 in kk hospital today because she fell ill on sunday. when we were leaving, my cousin asked her to give a hug to my mum. she absolutely refused to even though i think my mum is probably one of the nicer people to her. then when they asked her to hug me, she stretched her arms out wide and grabbed me. haha! it was really quite shocking because i dont ever play with her. i leave that to my sis so can deal with her. my cousin and her husband were obviously amused too, and asked her again to hug my mum. she just sat there as if she did not hear anything and when they asked her to hug me again, she did the same thing. haha! then my mum was saying that they better send her to all girls schools for as long as possible. cos she only wants to hug guys. hahaha!! wat an amusing visit. made me smile a bit after what happened with my grandma this afternoon.
tomorrow, i shall be playing badminton with kj again. and he has invited this girl to play with us again. somehow i get the feeling he's after her. so i always feel very out of place when we go for lunch after the game. dang!
anyway it should be time for me to relax a bit. get some of the negative energy out of my system. hope u like the music. i like it but i think it can be a bit melancholy at times. haha!
{12:23 AM}
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