Monday, July 03, 2006
i think the singapore chinese orchestra is going to perform at the hospital my grandma is stay at today. i told her i would arrive on time to bring her down to watch. haha! she so cute when she's not insulting and scolding people. she asked me to bring nice clothes for her. how to go concert without nice clothes? haha!
i intended to go for my medical check up this morning. but decided to postpone it to thursday. no reason why. i think i was just to tired to get up at 7 plus.
my sis is in manhattan now. maybe not. she should have reached newport already. my dad's in perth. so that leaves my mum and i at home. we had dinner at coffee bean yesterday. discussed their retirement and stuff and transferring of responsibilities. fiscal that is. payment for this and that. it's only right that i should take over the brunt of it. even though my sis and i would start working at exactly the same time (can you imagine it, she's 3 years my junior!! what have i been doing!!). and i realise that in the initial years it will probably be a bit tougher on me i guess but hopefully after a few years and increments it should be ok.
my mum also asked about my plans to further my studies in france or sweden after i complete my bond. i havent yet decided what i would want to do a phd in yet. maybe educational policy? or something else? i dont think i have the calibre to do mathematical research. so a phd in math is probably not feasible. told her that i intend to work overseas for a few years if i can. maybe get a posting in france or apply for another job over there. she seems to think that this equates to me wanting to migrate even though i've consistantly told her that i would never move away from singapore permanantly. i guess i just want to live a different sort of life every now and then. and as i was saying to roon the otherday, it really helps when youre becoming more and more disociated with people and things around you. what a sad state of affairs. anyway i told her that i believe that my plan to further studies will probably remain as it is. a plan.
somedays, i just like to lie on my bed and stare at the ceiling. listening to music. i dont really remember what i'm thinking about during these sessions but they do make me feel a lot better. life's good if you make it good. sometimes as things around us get more and more complicated, and as we try and struggle to find the solutions for the problems that other solutions have brought about, we lose sight of the fact that life is indeed very simple. happiness is very simple. it's days where i lie in bed with absolutely nothing to do. nothing to think about. no one to talk to. no one to bother me. no incessant drilling (like there is now coming from the flat below, or so my mum says but i think above). these are the days i think i'm the happiest. life's only as complicated as you would want it to be and all we need sometimes is to afford our bodies and minds with the privillage of doing absolutely nothing. to relieve our brains from the task of recieving, filtering and then interpreting the signals from our 5 senses. to just lie down, stare but see nothing, listen but hear nothing, touch but feel nothing, swallow but taste nothing, breathe but smell nothing, almost as if in a comatose state. you should try that one day. the day you feel that there are so many tasks to accomplish, so many people to please, so many problems to solve. too bad i cant do it today. a new home needs to be made upstairs (down according to mom...).
oh well. here's wishing everyone a good day ahead.
{11:51 AM}
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