Wednesday, July 05, 2006
i decided to take a break from visiting my grandma today. bad stomach. been in and out of the loo quite a bit. not too sure why though.
every try to give someone advice and it comes back to bite you? it's really a pain isnt it. it's even worse when the person spots you not following your own advice and makes the paradox clear. i guess it is pretty easy to dish out advice when you're not involved in the situation. but everything else becomes a blur when you're bogged down by these problems you want to solve. so in some sense, it is good that some poeple even bother to point this contradiction out. regardless of the intention or the reason for highlighting it to you, the result is that you would now have a pathway towards analysing why would you think so differently in these circumstances. i guess i'm being rather confusing because i'm not talking about anything concrete. but i just dont feel like talking about anything substantial now.
havent read the newspapers in god knows how long, and i havent watched the news in what must be weeks! so i'm possibly the most uninformed person my age in singapore right now. haha. ignorance is bliss huh. dont know anything. dont care about anything. what a seemingly carefree kind of life. kind of pathetic if you ask me. and yet, there are times where we all look forward to such a life. sure, knowledge is power, but it is also extra weight on one's shoulders. and when the going gets tough, we all sometimes feel like jettisoning everything.
was looking around for a song to suit my mood now. and it was a tough search today. finally settled on the battle theme from narnia. of all things right. i guess the only word to describe my mood now is 'dramatic'. interpret that in any way you want to. i dont even know myself. haha!
no badminton these days. or at least not televised. but happy with wimbledon. although i'm down to rooting for one person. the rest of the 5 who participated on the left have fallen like flies. want to watch the french and wimbledon next year. shulin doesnt mind watching it next year too. so if i want to catch the tournaments, i have to head to europe around end may early june and stay till july. but gerri can only go iceland in april. sigh. it is rather difficult to organise anything these days. i guess as we all grow older, we need to be more discrening in our choices. we need to weight the importances of each decision more carefully as each oppourtunity is in itself more precious than it was say 5 years ago. working life has proved an insurmountable challenge for some to climb. and while i relish the challenge of working, i still have to wait a excrutiatingly long 3 years before i even officially start to WORK (although i start drawing a paycheck in 2). you know, the most painful part of not working yet, is that everyone else around you is. and so, the people who you seem to have hung around with for what seems like an eternity, have lost the freedom to spend the same amount of time with you. so i'm actually looking forward to the sem starting. 2 level 4000 modules plus 2 level 5000 modules plus seminar plus departmental duties would ensure that i do not have the time to feel all alone. life does become an equation at times. we just need to find the right balance to achieve our physical, mental and emotional needs.
taking a surverying glance across my 'in the process of being tidied up' room, i see a collection of my AD&D books, 3 tys books and a stack of jc math notes which i used to give tuition last year, a copy of invocation and toccata hanging precariously from my cabinet, the nicest picture i've ever taken (comissioning ball), my french and japanese language books, the nicolas catalogue which i got in france for my 21st birthday barely an hour after finishing my entrance exam for ecole polytechnique, the book hanmao got for my birthday in sweden last year, my masters enrolement booklet and forms and the iceland lonely planet guide i recently bought among the other junk that i have. not bad for a resprentation of my life from secondary school up until now. from the excessive playing and obsession with AD&D during secondary school, to the band filled days of JC. from the rigour of army, to the start of my NUS days and the french double degree programme. from my graduation trip in sweden switzerland and germany, to my present state in limbo and to my future course in NUS and future trip to iceland. i can say i've lead a pretty interesting life from then till now, with an even more interesting future awaiting me. with all the whining i've done on this blog, i feel guilty for not being appreciative, so i apologise.
anyway, terence and caleb are back. finally. haha! hope to meet up with them soon. and it's time for me to head to the toilet again. i feel like a cow that's eaten an etnire field of grass. burp! urgh! later!
{5:11 PM}
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