Wednesday, June 14, 2006
it's another trip to the hospital to visit my grandma.
the interesting thing about these visits to nuh, is that i actually discover more about myself there. yesterday i affirmed the notion i commonly put acorss to people about my inherent dislike for other people of no greater experience or authority to tell me how i should be doing things. yes in this case, family heirachy doesnt count as neither experience nor authority. i got so incredibly agitated yesterday, i could have gone to some toy shop and ripped the heads off a thousand teddy bears but of course, anger being my most easily controlled emotion, i did not. i guess this really proves to me how i am not a suitable candidate to start a family.
anger to me, is what 'feel good' foods and crying are to many others. it's a means for me to deal with a whole host of other emotions i dont want to deal with. i guess i've it's also the most convenient because i'm usually able to restrict it to an acceptable level before it gets out of hand. but being angry means that i also lose all sense of rationality. so even trivial matters will seemingly add to oil to the already blazing fire. which is why i guess in my case, i have a more stable relationship with my friends than with my family. the very fact that i see my friends less than my family means that they are less likely witness an outburst from me. also, it's easier for me to escape from a group of friends when i know that the time bomb is about to go off than it is for me to do so with family memebers. these factors alone, give me sufficient reason to believe that i'd make a really terrible head of a household.
anyway, my grandma's looking much better now (thanks to the nuh staff and not to the fact that she was recently baptised at the insistance of my auntie). is it me, or do the older generation of converts to chritianity seem to have a very warped view of the religion? haha! to me, it seems like after spending 50 years of their lives worshiping buddhist gods and what not, and then converting to christianity, they seem to practise and understand christianity in the same way they believe in say guan yin except of course now, they have 1 and only 1 god. it's very weird listening to my auntie talk about her faith in the hospital (actually it's irritating at some instances) because it sounds so warped to me. haha! i mean i dont proclaim to be one who understands the religion very well, but i've enough knowledge and gone through enough class to see the differences. but i guess to some people that doesnt really matter huh. but to me it's an interesting phenomenon. one of these days i must bring a good hokkien translator with me to a hokkien service and see what it is they really do there, to find out whether or not these things are actually being diseminated there or if they are just badly preconcieved notions that develop in indivuals that have made the change past the middle part of their lives.
arrrgh it's going to rain. off to nuh i go. must put up the polariod photo i took with my grandma yesterday. but then again maybe not, i look practically skeletal and my grandma looked a bit edgy because after taking 3 pictures with her, she start weeping because she thought that she wasn't going to live very much longer and hence the incessant photo taking. ah old people and their thinking. i just dont know what to do with them. haha! okie cya later!
{2:56 PM}
0 Comments:
Post a Comment