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Thursday, April 20, 2006
you know how it is when you get something you dont really expect and the first thing you say to yourself is "this cant be true. something must be wrong." well that's how i felt when i checked my mail yesterday and saw this clause:

"with research scholarship subject to 2nd upper honours"

well i still dont believe its true. something must be wrong. but of course i'm hoping nothing is. will be keeping my fingers crossed until i get it in hard copy.

anyway, yesterday was a depressing day (aside for when i checked my email) not because anything happened to be, but because of the stuff that was making its way through my retina and into my brain. i think discovery channel and national geographic should call tuesdays, depressing tuesdays. well it wasnt that bad. all i watched was 2 different episodes of air crash investivation, 2 episodes of seconds from disaster, 1 on 911, another show about how this mother apparently kill her kids for fiscal reasons, an show called "i shouldnt be alive", etc. but it was quite an entertaining watch, not in the sense of being enjoyable, but it was kind of thought provoking. then someone said something with, as usual, got my hyperreactive brain working in overdrive.

"what is heroism?"

what makes a hero a hero and what drives a hero on to do the things he or she does. and mroe interestingly, i question what i would have done in a situation like that. if i were caught on the 90th floor of the wtc when the plane sliced through in during 911, would i run fthrough each floor, methodically searching for people who might be still alive, and bringing them to the emergency stairwell only leave them on their journy down as i proceeded to the next floor to do the same? would i sit at the helm of a train radioing for my passengers to leave and evacuate the train as i look and stare straight in front, looking at another train race towards me? to me, under these normal circumstances, i would not need to flinch before saying no. but these arent normal circumstances are they, and how i would react, i pray i would never need to find out. but it was interesting that one of the survivors of 911 who had met his "saviour" face to face in the stairwell briefly, never to see him again, had, with glisterning eyes said that perhaps this act of heroism could be a result of fear, of extreme fear. it goes beyond the point of paralysis and you feel like "what the heck" and then you go on to prevent as many people as possible from feeling the same fear you feel. perhaps it is sort of a fatalist mechanism. they feel that well, since theyre going to go anyway, they might as well try to give as many people the chance of life. whatever the reason, it is instinctive. one does not train to do things like that, neither does one learn it.

perhaps it has something to do with evolution as well. some intricate wirinig of our system that dictates this sacrificial behaviour. in the wild, mothers defend their children till the death even if it means sacrificing their lives to ensure theyre cubs. perhaps some of us have evolved to the point where blood ties no longer matters in situations like these. where we are no longer of black or white, but one as a whole species. and this innate, latent behaviour is only activated seconds before we depart. perhaps we have over the years developed a technique of producing a crucial cocktail of adrenaline and other chemicals during these trying situations that causes us to react almost recklessly. whatever the causes, their selfless acts have touched other peoples lives in the most profound way possible. sometimes when we look at all that is going around in the world, all the killings and the bloodshed, the world does look bleak and empty. but it is heartening to know that in these times of crisis, there are people who do not seperate the weak from the strong, the faithful from the faithless, the rich from the poor, and who see all humans as equals be they black or white, be they healthy or sick, be they male or female, seeing everyone as being equally in need of their help. and by sacrifing their lives for absolute strangers, they break through the barrier of categorising and classifying people that we impose on ourselves simply out of fear. it is funny huh, that fear being the cause of alot of the problems in the world now, could in its own right, be the very thing that saves us from itself.

ahhh. ok i sense that i am drifting again. and i dont have a habit of proof reading my entries. so, just treat it like i've been totally incoherent and ignore wahtever parts you think i've stared to go totally off. haha! anyway roon! be strong ya! and good luck to the DOCTORS who are starting work soon! remember the dinners i should be getting when you get your first paychecks. HA!!

{12:16 AM}

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