Sunday, April 09, 2006
i think i'm a very competitive person by nature. VERY competitive in fact. i hate admitting defeat and to some people i seem like a very sore loser at times. yes it is true. i need a short period of time, from 5 to 10 mins to possibly even longer to get over any loss. be it a sports match, a verbal debate, a video game etc. perhaps the only loss that i can adapt to more easily would be in the academic arena.but i really do not see how this could be possible. i mean if it was really in my blood to be pumped up for any sort of duel, physical or otherwise, then it really doesnt make any sense that i should be more ready to accept defeat in only one specific field. perhaps i've come to realise that there are people who are academically better than me. but on the other hand i also do realise that there are people would be better than me in any of the other fields as well. i think it may be due to the nature of the affair at hand. i speculate that the only commonality between these areas aside from academics is the duration of the event. recreational sports matches, verbal sparring, and video game confrontations last only hours at most if not mere minutes. academics is more of a marathon. so perhaps it's not because i am not competitive, but rather, because i have very weak mental strength. a few years back, a buddy asked me to join him for a run. i told him i had not ran in 2 years and certainly was to in the form i was in the army. he said to me that he was sure i would be able to keep up with him simply because the good long distance timings i got when i was in the amry was testment to the mental tenacity i had within me. i immediately begged to differ. i think had i enough resolve and willpower, the timings i managed would have been a great deal better. i guess this really boils down to the lazy attitude i have. it's kind of a contradiction if you think about it. kinda like wanting rewards without hard work. and i guess that is the sad state of my life.
i mean how can you change something that is so intrinsicaly part of you? there really isnt a sure fix way of remedying the problem. i guess it really is one of those things that requires some sort of divine intervension or mused inspiration. and for now, neither has been available to me yet.
well what i want to say is this: if you see me sulking and remianing silent for a period of time, just let me do it, i can get over it much faster without having someone pestering me. it's a normal reaction of mine and i'm not angry with anyone other than myself.
anyway on a lighter note, jap oral exams is next wedensday morning. not exactly looking forward to it. but then again its only 10 min followed by 1 week break before my final paper as an undergraduate.
oh yes mum's bdae on wednesday. what to get her? i dont know. getting birthday presents is really such a lame thing. i guess i'd appreciate a lunch or dinner out on my birthday much more than any trinklets or presents. again, perhaps i have moved away from the incessant desire to expand my material wealth and indulged more in emotional wellbeing. or maybe i now am starting (yes only STARTING) to develop a propensity to aquire these items for myself without the need of anyone to serve it to me on a platter.
ah! i'm rambling again. ha! i really do have a tendency to do such things huh. oh well, time for dinner. itadakimasu!!
{7:16 PM}
1 Comments:
haha... no divine intervention needed la. just some self-revelation. i used to be really competitive too. feel lousy if i lose in anything. but soon, i'm sick of all the bad feelings after losing something, i started asking myself "WHAT'S THE POINT?"
really... what's the point in every game? the fun of playing it lasts as long as the game but the victory is only momentous.
haha... just my opinion...
