Friday, March 24, 2006
forgot to continue the previous entry. lost my trail of thought so i should not probe further.today i was just thinking about stuff as usual, and it occured to me that i have a different set of expectations for different sets of individuals. but then i started to wonder about the rationale behind these expectations and if they were valid in the first place. i mean, it certainly is not abnormal to expect something of someone. we do it everyday. and it is because we have these expectations that on occasion, we are left disappointed. But what exactly are the reasons behind these expectations?
Perhaps some are social sterotypes that have been embedded in our ideology. Like how we expect that our other half remains faithful or that we expect that our family and friends will be there for us when we are in need. These are things that have occured in countless social circles in such a frequency that it is perhaps now deemed normal to behave only in this way. Another point of view would be that we expect things of people because we know that we would do the same for them. Like how we expect our other halves to be faithful because we would be, or how we would certainly be ready to lend a hand to a friend or family member in deed and so expect the same of them. I used to think the second reason was a good reason for our expectations because it seems fair to expect something of someone else if firstly you have expected it of yourself. But then, is it really fair to that person who has lower expectations of you that you have such lofty expectatons of him/her?
I once read somewhere that to be a good friend, we must think not of what we expect our friends to do, but rather think about what we can do for them. And I realise that all this while i've been expecting my friends to conform to this morbid preset mould that i've already created for them in my mind. I expect them to have time for me. I expect them to at least try as hard as i do in the things that we do. And really the reasons for all these expections are because I expect myself to do the same for them. And when they don't, I feel cheated and disappointed. And I start to think, "well you know, maybe they don't belong in the 'good friend' category, they more of like in the 'established aquaintance' group." pretty stupid huh, but dont kid yourself, i'm willing to bet at some stage in your life you've either consciously or subconsciously thought about such things.
but at the same time. when we feel close to someone, be it a good frend, or your better half, what is it that distinguishes them from the rest of your friends? by and large, it's the expectations you have of them. we partition people into different categories that best describes certain traits they inherently have. and as we get to know them better, they get promoted or demoted. as a child, these categories, i believe, are large groups. for instance one would have only family, friends, strangers as a means of classifying people in a 3 year old. but as we get older, we tweak and alter little things here and there than more often than not, we develop unique groups for each individual person we know, so much so that we dont actually realise we're subconsciously doing it.
ok i'm starting to drift, but my point is, sometimes we place other on a pedestal and expect them to be there, not knowing that they feel very uncomfortable in that position. even though it is a natural means by which we relate to other human beings, i feel we should spend just a little less time thinking about what others should be doing for us, and more about what we could be doing for others (cheesy but true). oh well, time for zzz. nitez!
{12:15 AM}
1 Comments:
hmm.. thought-provoking entry...
a fren once told me he has a meter for all the ppl around him. everyone starts off neutral... once someone is good to him, the meter will rise. but if he/she does something bad, the meter deflects to the other side. when it reaches zero, tt's time to strike the person off his frens-list.
haha... only guys can come up with something so technical to rate something so emotional like relationships...
