haha its that time of the year again. signed up for the year end marathon. this time, i commit myself to train for it.

forced myself to stay awake till 4am to register for a fighting chance that we might get consecutive tag numbers. haha. seemed to work out as ian gab and i have consec order numbers but dq din get i dunno y... tried for an hour and it didnt work. well we'll see if my efforts pay off.

work's been good. but was talking to choon kiat the other day. i dunno what my passion is anymore. it's one thing to say that you enjoy what you are doing, but its another to say you're passionate about it. how does one define passion, and where does it come from. for people who believe in a higher order, passion might be the result of divine intervention. but what about the rest of us, does it stem from our ultimate need to feel good? is that the fundamental axiom of our existence?

anyways, met up with choon kiat, dq and alfred on thursday. haha. had tony roma's. company was great but food was terrible. haha. never going back again. i mean it. i think i'd rather eat at swensens. and i already dun like swensens.

anyway it's week four of the third term. including this week i have another 7 more weeks to go. very fast will have a holiday again lol. looking fwd to that man. need to start pushing myself more in the coming weeks. haha. hope everyone finds joy in their work and perhaps even some good o' passion ya!

{11:14 AM}

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By  Anonymous, at 6:11 AM  

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ok today. first day of lessons in school. i cant believe it but i still have butterflies in my stomach.wat's up man. not like its the first time.

oh well. i reckon i'll be really sleepy by the end of the day. din really manage to get a good nite's rest. oh well. weds are the worst. 3hr 20min straight dunno how i'm going to handle that. but on the plus side, at least tuesdays are entirely free. lol.

life's been good. in general. somehow i'm looking forward to mooncake festival again. i want my durian mooncakes. haha.

oh well. here's to a new start for everyone. 2nd half of the year! let's do it!

{6:23 AM}

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NIE is over!! this is very much akin to commissioning. we'll be no longer called cadets. and we'll assume the responsibilities of a full fledged teacher. how exciting.

in the meantime, its R&R for me now, well at least this week, then next week is the start of a 3 week induction programme (sound army-ish also right?). i'm looking forward to teaching again. well somewhat, but more importantly, i think i have sort out some nagging issues of life and i move on with renewed vigour. haha. i think the most important thing in life now is to have a direction to move in. no more headless chicken nicholas. i think if i keep my eye on one goal perhaps even in bad times, i might develop tunnel vision and simply forget everything else happening around me as i focus on that single point in space and time.

good luck to sx taking ippt this saturday. haha. i still wonder what it would be like if sx huili and i all taught at the same school, same subject, same stream. haha. sim 1 sim 2 sim 3. haha.

was just thinking about something the other day. knowledge is power. to ascend, one needs to know. but ignorance is bliss. not knowing sometimes permits a happy and fuss free life. so it's a narrow and difficult path to tread if one wants both power and happiness. how much of each does one want. do u want to remain at the bottom of the feeding chain at work all the time? or do u want to rise and become so disillusioned by the people and organisation you work with and for. would you rather live happily ingnorant of your partner's transgressions or would you rather know about it and work it out knowing that the scar remains permanently etched in ur mind. sometimes we have no choice. sometimes we choose our destiny.

memory my frens is both fren and foe. they allow us savour reminise and forever recall periods of immense gratification and happiness while at the same time constantly tug at our hearts never letting the hurt of painful events subside.

haha well we live with that and we learn to cope with it but let us never forget that it is in feeling both sorrow and ecstacy that we are human. haha. okie lunch time. it's saturday tmr. HAPPY HAPPY!

{11:39 AM}

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it's been ages. and so much has happened. here's a summary:
-moved house
-bought a suzuki swift
-finished practicum
-been really happy (especially during weekends) the past few weeks

perhaps self deception is effective. hey come on, i think i'd rather live believing that everything will turn out nice and rosy rather than waiting for the end of the world knowing it would come. i'd rather live enjoying the different flavours of life rather than expecting my moment of death.

life's good even with little bumps on the road. what is important is knowing what is important to u and celebrating the goodness in it.

{9:25 AM}

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happy birthday herkx! haha. finally got it right. practicum has been screwing with my sense of time. actually its been distorting all my senses. bleah.

life's not very kind to some of my friends now so i can only hope that they pull through this episode. we all have our moments of weakness and it's important to acknowledge this fact and ask others for help when needed.

on a brighter note, i have approx 27 days left for practicum not counting today. 27. u have no idea how i long for the end of these 27 days. wrong, i'm just counting 20 actually because that will be the essential end of teaching the o level syllabus for now. haha. i'll be heading over to mi after practicum and the hod has already gotten in touch with me. i feel like i will probably enjoy life over there. hopefully opportunity presents itself over there. striving to make an impact once i join the force. i dont want to float through it.

we all have goals and ambitions. but what makes us construct these targets. i realise that sometimes we need to focus on the underlying desires and feelings in order to live a happier life. i may have been a little too myopic in the past, just merely focusing on one goal or an objective. but the truth of the matter is that, in fulfilling one of these goals, i subconsiously satisfy a deep rooted desire that is usually of a broader category. for example, let's say person A wants very badly to get married. and if he does. then he feels happy. because he satisfies his desire for companionship. or for love. or for fulfilling his percieved responsibility to his parents. etc. the interesting thing is that if he doesnt get married then, he tends to feel the exact opposite. Unfulfilment of these goals tends to get people depressed and downtrodden. However, if one were able to focus, instead, on the underlying desires, then one will be awarded with a larger pool of objectives to fulfil which can lead to contentment. so for the guy who seeks companionship for instance rather than intamacy, then marriage does not become the only possible path to take. routes open up and the chance to make oneself happy increases. haha.

haha. i think it will take a little bit of rewiring on my part to adapt to this but i think in the long run if i am able to constantly look and reflect in this manner, i might be better able to lead a happier and more fulfilling life. i hope all my frens have that opportunity as well.

{8:54 AM}

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hmm... i beg to differ (as always with regards to this topic)... hehe. companionship exists in various forms, just like relationships. it can be a 25% kinda companionship which u get with ur frens where u only meet say once a wk/mth cos of various commitments. or it can be a 90 - 100% kinda companionship where u know that that person's heart is with u most of the time. i believe the latter exists only in an intimate relationship as in bgr/marriage. so i guess it depends on which level fulfils ur inner desire for companionship. hey.. if u're satisfied with just 25%, yup... marriage is not a necessity then!

By  Gerri, at 6:36 PM  

haha... of course i agree with you... haha what i am saying is that essentially one should look at the bigger picture... instead of looking at getting married as the end goal.. perhaps one might be better of looking at why one wants to get married in the first place... and yes it varies from individual to individual... haha...

it's like wanting a pen but not realising that you just want something that you can write with and that a pencil might do... haha...

By  20 sec interval... fire!!, at 8:46 PM  

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once again, i ponder the meaning of life. haha. well needless to say, i'm not exactly enjoying practicum right now. everything seems wrong to me. everything.

i guess it takes someone with courage and an immense amount of optimism to say "hey not everything's that bad". i'm not that kind of person. =(

there is a fine line between honestly seeing the good in every human being or seeing the silver lining in every desperate situation, and just deceiving yourself. or is there?

is life worth living if everything is dismal and gloomy? and in contrast, is life worth living if you can perceive everything to be positive and flowery?

as oura used to say. BAA-LONCE!! haha balance. how do i find the golden mean?

{5:36 AM}

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of course there's always a silver lining! in this case, at least practicum will someday be over and u'll be outta tt horrible situation! plus... i always believe whatever doesn't kill just makes u stronger...

By  Gerri, at 10:07 AM  

haha... yeah i guess so... just that when ur in the midst of something like that... it takes a lot to pull you through... sometimes ur left holding on to the last fiber of a rope... holding on for dear life... so i do what i have always done... close my eyes and pull up... haha i'm sure u noe what i mean rite? haha...

By  20 sec interval... fire!!, at 8:33 PM  

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i'm drowning in work now. practicum is really legendary.

anyway, it has been a while indeed. finally met up with francis to celebrate his birthday with daquan and alfred. frederick couldnt make it. lol. it's been quite a while since we met up but i sure hope that this will be the bcp team of charlie bty 289sa. lol.

my bcp! =)

anyways life has, well i dunno what is the right word, degraded? degenerated? reduced? simplified? i dunno. well turned into a cycle of work work work work work play play etc etc. mondays to fridays, i struggle to keep my head above water. early morning reveilles at 0515h are becoming habitual. i think weekdays life is starting to become very routine.

and yet, i'm loving the weekends. everyweek, i look forward to playing badminton on wednesdays (ok not a weekend) and then going running on saturdays with daquan. simple pleasures in life that i really cherish and look forward to. they mean so much to me even though they seem so small in the past. haha. it sort of keeps the engine going when i am half dead by wednesday.

ah well, time to head back to lesson planning, hope to finish most of them by wed so i can enjoy a break! =)

{9:09 PM}

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