BattalionSalvo

commitment to marathon...

2009-07-19T11:14:00.002+08:00

haha its that time of the year again. signed up for the year end marathon. this time, i commit myself to train for it.

forced myself to stay awake till 4am to register for a fighting chance that we might get consecutive tag numbers. haha. seemed to work out as ian gab and i have consec order numbers but dq din get i dunno y... tried for an hour and it didnt work. well we'll see if my efforts pay off.

work's been good. but was talking to choon kiat the other day. i dunno what my passion is anymore. it's one thing to say that you enjoy what you are doing, but its another to say you're passionate about it. how does one define passion, and where does it come from. for people who believe in a higher order, passion might be the result of divine intervention. but what about the rest of us, does it stem from our ultimate need to feel good? is that the fundamental axiom of our existence?

anyways, met up with choon kiat, dq and alfred on thursday. haha. had tony roma's. company was great but food was terrible. haha. never going back again. i mean it. i think i'd rather eat at swensens. and i already dun like swensens.

anyway it's week four of the third term. including this week i have another 7 more weeks to go. very fast will have a holiday again lol. looking fwd to that man. need to start pushing myself more in the coming weeks. haha. hope everyone finds joy in their work and perhaps even some good o' passion ya!

new begining

2009-07-13T06:23:00.002+08:00

ok today. first day of lessons in school. i cant believe it but i still have butterflies in my stomach.wat's up man. not like its the first time.

oh well. i reckon i'll be really sleepy by the end of the day. din really manage to get a good nite's rest. oh well. weds are the worst. 3hr 20min straight dunno how i'm going to handle that. but on the plus side, at least tuesdays are entirely free. lol.

life's been good. in general. somehow i'm looking forward to mooncake festival again. i want my durian mooncakes. haha.

oh well. here's to a new start for everyone. 2nd half of the year! let's do it!

2009-05-29T11:39:00.002+08:00

NIE is over!! this is very much akin to commissioning. we'll be no longer called cadets. and we'll assume the responsibilities of a full fledged teacher. how exciting.

in the meantime, its R&R for me now, well at least this week, then next week is the start of a 3 week induction programme (sound army-ish also right?). i'm looking forward to teaching again. well somewhat, but more importantly, i think i have sort out some nagging issues of life and i move on with renewed vigour. haha. i think the most important thing in life now is to have a direction to move in. no more headless chicken nicholas. i think if i keep my eye on one goal perhaps even in bad times, i might develop tunnel vision and simply forget everything else happening around me as i focus on that single point in space and time.

good luck to sx taking ippt this saturday. haha. i still wonder what it would be like if sx huili and i all taught at the same school, same subject, same stream. haha. sim 1 sim 2 sim 3. haha.

was just thinking about something the other day. knowledge is power. to ascend, one needs to know. but ignorance is bliss. not knowing sometimes permits a happy and fuss free life. so it's a narrow and difficult path to tread if one wants both power and happiness. how much of each does one want. do u want to remain at the bottom of the feeding chain at work all the time? or do u want to rise and become so disillusioned by the people and organisation you work with and for. would you rather live happily ingnorant of your partner's transgressions or would you rather know about it and work it out knowing that the scar remains permanently etched in ur mind. sometimes we have no choice. sometimes we choose our destiny.

memory my frens is both fren and foe. they allow us savour reminise and forever recall periods of immense gratification and happiness while at the same time constantly tug at our hearts never letting the hurt of painful events subside.

haha well we live with that and we learn to cope with it but let us never forget that it is in feeling both sorrow and ecstacy that we are human. haha. okie lunch time. it's saturday tmr. HAPPY HAPPY!

change yet again

2009-05-15T09:25:00.003+08:00

it's been ages. and so much has happened. here's a summary:
-moved house
-bought a suzuki swift
-finished practicum
-been really happy (especially during weekends) the past few weeks

perhaps self deception is effective. hey come on, i think i'd rather live believing that everything will turn out nice and rosy rather than waiting for the end of the world knowing it would come. i'd rather live enjoying the different flavours of life rather than expecting my moment of death.

life's good even with little bumps on the road. what is important is knowing what is important to u and celebrating the goodness in it.

life as we know it...

2009-04-11T08:54:00.002+08:00

happy birthday herkx! haha. finally got it right. practicum has been screwing with my sense of time. actually its been distorting all my senses. bleah.

life's not very kind to some of my friends now so i can only hope that they pull through this episode. we all have our moments of weakness and it's important to acknowledge this fact and ask others for help when needed.

on a brighter note, i have approx 27 days left for practicum not counting today. 27. u have no idea how i long for the end of these 27 days. wrong, i'm just counting 20 actually because that will be the essential end of teaching the o level syllabus for now. haha. i'll be heading over to mi after practicum and the hod has already gotten in touch with me. i feel like i will probably enjoy life over there. hopefully opportunity presents itself over there. striving to make an impact once i join the force. i dont want to float through it.

we all have goals and ambitions. but what makes us construct these targets. i realise that sometimes we need to focus on the underlying desires and feelings in order to live a happier life. i may have been a little too myopic in the past, just merely focusing on one goal or an objective. but the truth of the matter is that, in fulfilling one of these goals, i subconsiously satisfy a deep rooted desire that is usually of a broader category. for example, let's say person A wants very badly to get married. and if he does. then he feels happy. because he satisfies his desire for companionship. or for love. or for fulfilling his percieved responsibility to his parents. etc. the interesting thing is that if he doesnt get married then, he tends to feel the exact opposite. Unfulfilment of these goals tends to get people depressed and downtrodden. However, if one were able to focus, instead, on the underlying desires, then one will be awarded with a larger pool of objectives to fulfil which can lead to contentment. so for the guy who seeks companionship for instance rather than intamacy, then marriage does not become the only possible path to take. routes open up and the chance to make oneself happy increases. haha.

haha. i think it will take a little bit of rewiring on my part to adapt to this but i think in the long run if i am able to constantly look and reflect in this manner, i might be better able to lead a happier and more fulfilling life. i hope all my frens have that opportunity as well.

life

2009-03-30T05:36:00.002+08:00

once again, i ponder the meaning of life. haha. well needless to say, i'm not exactly enjoying practicum right now. everything seems wrong to me. everything.

i guess it takes someone with courage and an immense amount of optimism to say "hey not everything's that bad". i'm not that kind of person. =(

there is a fine line between honestly seeing the good in every human being or seeing the silver lining in every desperate situation, and just deceiving yourself. or is there?

is life worth living if everything is dismal and gloomy? and in contrast, is life worth living if you can perceive everything to be positive and flowery?

as oura used to say. BAA-LONCE!! haha balance. how do i find the golden mean?

busy busy busy

2009-03-09T21:09:00.003+08:00

i'm drowning in work now. practicum is really legendary.

anyway, it has been a while indeed. finally met up with francis to celebrate his birthday with daquan and alfred. frederick couldnt make it. lol. it's been quite a while since we met up but i sure hope that this will be the bcp team of charlie bty 289sa. lol.

my bcp! =)

anyways life has, well i dunno what is the right word, degraded? degenerated? reduced? simplified? i dunno. well turned into a cycle of work work work work work play play etc etc. mondays to fridays, i struggle to keep my head above water. early morning reveilles at 0515h are becoming habitual. i think weekdays life is starting to become very routine.

and yet, i'm loving the weekends. everyweek, i look forward to playing badminton on wednesdays (ok not a weekend) and then going running on saturdays with daquan. simple pleasures in life that i really cherish and look forward to. they mean so much to me even though they seem so small in the past. haha. it sort of keeps the engine going when i am half dead by wednesday.

ah well, time to head back to lesson planning, hope to finish most of them by wed so i can enjoy a break! =)

prac

2009-02-16T15:07:00.002+08:00

the last week before practicum. i'll be thrown into the deep in next week and i don't know how i will fare. haha. all the teaching experiences in ctss, tss, and nus, will they count for anything? haha the excellent tutor award from nus, does it have any bearing? haha. all i know is that, the path is laid down before me and i have to walk.

i'd be lying to myself if i were to say that the passion for teaching still runs deep inside me. ask me that during my masters year and i'll tell u that for sure i want to be a teacher. but somehow, something inside me has changed. maybe it's that one year of conducting tutorials for engine students. maybe i burnt out then.

or maybe it was the army. maybe it was cos i felt the immense satisfaction of training a first class team, bonding and then achieving excellence with them. maybe i felt purposeful in my actions. maybe i felt appreciated.

i dunno what it is, but as with all things, i approach it with a rather deontological mindest. i've committed myself to it and thus will do the best that i can in it. i guess that is the best commitment i can provide now. i guess maybe the army hypothesis is right. the more i think about it, the more i want to assume a more leadership role. one where i get to lead a team. i certainly hope i'll education will offer that to me in the time to come.

the passion for teaching i have lost. but the overwhelming desire to do the best i can in it is still there. i guess it sort of compensates for it, and can probably serve as a substitute till i find my fix. i'll find it someday. i just hope its soon. lol.

long while...

2009-02-01T23:08:00.002+08:00

posting results are out and i'm not too sure if i am happy with them. oh well. we'll see what happens. =)

i have decided to start training for stan chart now. hope to achieve a far superior timing compared to last year's. haha. gonna start running on saturdays with daquan and hopefully throw in some runs weekdays. will prob get myself a pair of lunars as well.

going to start trading as well. think its time i started to dabble in it. not to worry ya all.

charlie bty is ording next week. well most of them. so that means that the posting orders shld be out soon. frankly at this stage, i dont really care if i am the gpo or the bc. what really matters is that i'm still in 289 charlie bty and that my crew contain alfred francis daquan and fred. can liao. hopefully we will be going nz during the 7th incamp for fatep! =)

driving test on the 17th of march. hope i will nail it with one attempt. haha i know i can do it. haha.

anyway, been a little down lately. maybe because i've been thinking too much about my future role as a teacher. haha. had a little chat with limin over msn abt it. hope things change. maybe i'll blog abt it in the future. haha.

suppose to go kelvin's house to bai nian this week with yaoqi. donno when.

had a math class outing with the chem girls and yanxiang at cynthia's house. haha wii is an extremely fun thing to have at parties. haha. might get one for mom for her bdae haha let her have some fun. haha.

ah well. time to go do some work. take care ya all.

a new year

2009-01-01T21:56:00.003+08:00

Happy New Year! haha!

last post was on the 14th. if i recall correctly. been ages. went to bali and came back. had birthday dinner at valentino. met up with qiang and ting. whipped up dinner at my place. bought my ps3. met up with june and herkx at the new jp. haha celebrated the new year at mel mel's house. haha. and now going back to nie come monday. haha.

will pure determination and focus get u to where you want to go? can one simply ignore the pertubation and distractions of the process to get to where one wants to go? haha. let's test this hypothesis in 2009. haha.

have a smashing 2009 ya all!

going to bali!

2008-12-14T20:50:00.003+08:00

haha will be heading off to bali tomorrow with yaoqi and kelvin. finally some time to kick back and unwind and not bother about everything else. haha.

alot has happened since the past post. most memorably would be completing my first marathon! haha! yay!

in case anyone asks again. the medals were given to anyone who completed the 42km. we din come in like in the top 10 or something. haha.

could have done alot better but well i'm satisfied i completed it. will train for next years one that's for sure. haha.

nie results are also out. dr chu gave me an A. which is quite amazing considering i was still editing her essay just minutes before the deadline. haha.

bought a 32inch lcd tv also after spending a day shopping with daquan. haha i'm an idiot when it comes to these kinds of technology so i'm thankful to have a fren like him who knows his stuff and is willing to help. haha.

waiting to get my ps3 on my *ahem* birthday when i get back. haha. thought i'd treat myself since this would be my first official birthday where i would be drawing a paycheck. haha.

ah well! time to start packing! happy holidays to all!

some people deserve to suffer...

2008-11-19T22:37:00.002+08:00

so long since my last post. haha in that time. i have passed my ssmt, finished all my modules in nie for this sem, started driving lessons, etc. very free and bored these days. haha shall try to do something meaningful i guess. haha.

i think in order to give, one needs to be full. but if you constantly give more than you recieve, you'll eventually end up feeling very empty. sometimes it can be a relationships among friends, family or colleagues, work and projects, they all demand time and attention and other more material matters. and i try my best to give as much as i can. but recently i'm ending up feeling very empty. very drained. i guess i need to find a balance somehow somewhere.

tant pis. i wish i could just say that and be indifferent. tant pis. i meant learn how to. sometimes in life we have to be indifferent towards some events. it just really takes to much energy to hacve an emotion for every single thing that happens. haha.

well right now i am having intensive driving lessons every day. and looking forward to going bali with yaoqi and kelvin. haha. need to destress and take my mind off everything. sounds weird huh. my term has ended and i am stressed. haha but anyone who noes me in nie will know that my modules have hardly any effect on me. haha. with a cool and calm disposition towards essays deadlines and assignments, haha one wonders how i can be stressed about anything else. haha.

haha i've been playing company of heroes more these days. haha. keeping me engaged. and the advice mantou gave me was when i encounter and strongly defended area not to keep attacking head on, but to attack elsewhere. why play into the hands of your opponent rite? i think this applies to everyday life. if life is tough in one area, why spend ur time fighting it. countless hours i have spent battling and fighting and sometimes u ask urself, is it worth it. haha. why not move round and let the matter sort itself out. the question i have to keep asking is "how important is it?"

see this is what free time does to me. sitting at home staring at the ceiling sometimes. haha. keeps u thinking. i guess it aint necessarily a bad thing. haha. i have concluded that some things are just not meant for you to accomplish. and some people deserve to die a slow and painful death and rot in hell for eternity. i think the population in singapore would be reduced if i had the death note book. hahaha. scary thought.

oh well. anyway met up with the band peeps for dinner on sat. been ages since i last hung out with them. haha no one has really changed i think. haha. which is a good thing. i like all of them the way they are. haha. played badminton with lim ting, huang yun and jianping. haha. nice to meet up again after sooooo long. and i cant believe we actually taked about primary school!! counting back i've known huang yun for like 15 YEARS! omg!

should be playing tennis with huili weiting and prof lang this sat. hope the weather holds up. wasnt feeling too good last sat and spent a WASTED afternoon that i would like to forget soon. haha. hope my back holds up. think sometimes i over rotate.

badminton on friday should be good. haha. havent met up with ian gabriel and wx for a bit. haha. still owe wx a treat and promised to grab giang along as well. haha.

ah life is good really. i think everyone has their problems. but the ability to focus on the positives is what makes an effective person. ok 2nd driving lesson tmr. haha. i'm so going to get a car next year. haha. i must. haha.

work work...

2008-10-19T19:57:00.002+08:00

halfway thru the month of october... finally left with 2 essays 1 lesson plan and 1 project to complete... SMMT will be on saturday and i hope i can pass that on teh first try... haha... would be quite embarressing if i didnt...

life is pretty stale at the moment. i dunno what's missing.

should i or should i not apply to schools. should i just accept where i'm being posted to and perform my best there, or should i try to dictate my path. i have no idea what to do. help help.

if only. if only there was a way. i dunno wat to do now. lost and confused.

but staying happy that's what i shall try to be. frigid and froxen. but happy. =)

assignments

2008-10-09T22:19:00.003+08:00

yay! got my tickets and vouchers for the bali trip in december haha! something great to look forward to this end of the year. haha!

assignment deadlines are all converging now. haha final burst this month. after the 31st, i'll only be left with 1 essay essentially! haha plus maybe something on ed psyc 2 which will be starting soon. haha. but omg! it's so quickly over! haha.

mj called me up to ask if i was interested in teaching there. i think they basically called up all the honours/master pple. haha. a pity most of us dun stay near pasir ris. haha. plus simon did say that the canteen food there sux. haha.

i'm so into the R8 now. haha. drool at my wallpaper everyday. haha. wouldnt u?

i'm so gonna own one! haha

otherwise life i good as usual. and no mr racecar it's not cos i'm decieving myself. haha.

do we all fit into a grand plan? or do we have our own grand plan we fit the world into?

things falling into place

2008-09-28T17:47:00.002+08:00

haha finally i have my hands on my toshiba m700 or rather m750. haha. touchscreen rox!

will be heading for my 3rd wedding this month. haha. nice to see frends getting married happy and all. haha. i know what you're thinking, yes you, don't bother asking. haha.

booked the bali trip end of this year with yaoqi and kelvin. haha. really looking forward to relaxing and having a rejuvenating time. haha. though it does seem like i will be unable to join junquan in france though. if only we all had more time and money for travel. haha.

assignments are all due within the month of october. going to be hectic month for me, but hey, life's not all about meeting deadlines right? haha. i'd sacrifice some of my performance for time with friends. haha. the question is, which friends would do the same? haha. thankfully i realise, i do have friends with the same mentality as me. haha. thankful for them. heh!

marathon in approx 10 weeks time, and i have yet to start training. running the half without training is one thing, but the full without training. hmmm. might be suicidal. haha should be grabbing daquan down for a run next sat. hopefully the weather holds up. although i do love sleeping while its storm-ing outside. =)

life's as good as you make it out to be. or as bad as you think it is. why worry about something that's not confirmed. and for that matter, why worry about something that is. and as many mathematicians would tell you, this means, why worry at all. things smooth out by themselves over time, we just need to be less myopic and look ahead. haha. dreams will be fulfilled and goals achieved. so let's all be happy and enjoy every moment.

still not here

2008-09-18T08:48:00.002+08:00

the lappie's still not here. sianz. i'm so freaking pissed with toshiba and with comp shop. sigh.

anyway had my hair cut, and well, my hairdresser cecelia convinced me to keep my fringe because she wants to cut a certain style in... omg 3 months time. so as i wait for my hair to grow, and frens will know my extreme dislike for thick hair, i have gotten her to cut my sides short. but now i end up looking like a blooding beng with long tops and short sides. hmmm i dunno how else to describe it and i am sure as hell not going to post a pic. haha.

met the recently ORDed specs with anthony for dinner yesterday. haha. nice to hear all the rubbish coming from them after so long. haha. wondering what charlie office is like now without the noise and nonsense from them haha.

pace is picking up, assignments are due. sianz.

finally got a pic, watches walle and eating durian mooncake...

2008-09-10T21:17:00.004+08:00

yes i finally have the photo from daquan! haha! proof of my run! woo hoo! haha look at my chicken chopstick legs. yucks! the bad camera angle just makes it look worse. YUCKS YUCKS!

Charlie Battery! Woo Hoo!

haha and now i can finally able to enjoy Marriott Hotel's Durian mooncake! oh yes that soft smooth creamy texture. just absolutely heavenly!! a pity they don't have the strawberry yoghurt ones anymore. dang!

haha went to watch WALL.E with daquan on tuesday. haha. loved it to bits! haha. although throughout the entire show, wall.e kept going eva eva eva and eve kept going walle walle walle. haha but that just adds to the charm. haha.

happy times.

long

2008-09-06T11:02:00.004+08:00

woah. it sure has been a long time sia. haha.

let's see. what have i done since then. run 21km at ahm. run 10km at nike run. haha. that's about it. cannot upload photos cos daquan hasnt sent me them yet.

haha look at this! it's mooncake festival again!! craving for these goodwood park hotel snow skin mooncakes!!

Goodwoodpark Hotel's signature snowskin range of tropical fruits D24 Durian and Cempedak, as well as the popular Yam Paste with Red Dates

Mango with Pomelo in Snowskin Mooncake

and just read the description of the mango one found on their websites (both pictures taken from there too!) "enveloped in each piece of the new snowskin mooncake is the smooth and luscious mango puree with refreshing mango cubes and just the right amount of juicy pomelo sacs for the perfect contrast of sweet, sour and bitter tastes."

i can feel it in my mouth already!! ahhhhhhhh!!

haha. life now's pretty settled and well if i may say, boring. haha. maybe it's cos i'm not making the most of it, or maybe it's just a phase thing. haha. dont wanna commit too much because this phase will end soon anyway. haha.

but i guess i've come to realise that the only person that can make you happy is yourself. haha. and it's an bloody hard fact of life for someone like me to accept that. haha. being the proverbial ultra dependant (actually i dunno if which proverb that is haha) sort, its difficult to accept the fact that are actually in control of one's own happiness. haha. but well we all learn in someway or another. i think i stumbled on this fact during ed psyc class. haha. neither extreme is good. a person who is very dependent and cannot function without being included in a social context. and a loner who cannot function if he is included in one. haha. i t hink i belong to one extreme. haha. i cannot function alone. haha. for now that is. haha.

ask not what others can do for you, but what you can do for others. if one truly believes in that, does it give him the oppourtunity to be happy the bulk of the time?

weekend!

2008-08-18T08:56:00.003+08:00

haha long weekend! with healthy food.

brought the bcp out to su korean cuisine for dinner. haha. only alf, daquan, pend rend and me. fran and fred couldnt make it so we had to eat up all the food ourselves. haha. (if i am not mistaken we ordered almost equivalent to the set for 6 people).

too healthy for the "general" alfred... so the waiter came with lard... haha!

look at the mess we created. haha. and there were already plates that were cleared!

had fun catching up, havent seen alf and peng rend for quite a while. haha. daquan too, haven't played badminton with him in a while.

decided that i should just go try ahm even though i've not trained for it at all, so on saturday, met daquan and simon for a run at ecp. couldnt keep up with daquan. i still remember a month ago, i could still run at his pace, more or less. wah, age is really catching up. hmmm i think i should be able to scrape through it this coming sun. haha. or die trying... (i can almost hear gerri saying "choy choy choy" hahaha.)

and yes. ecp needs like a locker system la. either that or i need a car. haha had no where to place my belongings (just a pouch) while i was running. haha. so perhaps that was why i was slower (yeah excuses). haha.

ok moving into hall today. no laptop as of now, but well, i think i can survive without computer access for 4 days (i am due home on thursday cos i dun wanna go for the director's run!) afterall, we've all been thru army. haha.

ah ok time to go to school. haha. FINALLY meeting yaoqi and kelvin for dinner tonight. haha why do i get the feeling our intended trip to europe in december which became a trip to asia, and then to south east asia will end up being a trip to sentosa? hahaha. we'll see.

money

2008-08-13T22:36:00.002+08:00

finally! my pay is in! haha i'm no longer broke! haha.

as a result, gonna treat the bcp this friday to Su Korean Cuisine. haha. looking forward to that. haha.

decided also to get my laptop. have this extreme desire for a touchscreen. haha. so against my better judgement, i've put an order down for a toshiba tablet. centrino 2 and all. about 2k plus but i can always claim 400 bucks from lds! haha. but i sacrificed graphics card. well hopefully can still mian qiang run COH. haha. will get a gaming laptop next year ba. haha.

been playing alot of LAN lately. quite fun although i serious am quite noob. haha. possibly the only game i could play is COH. haha. but then again that's all the fun i need so far. haha how to be a cool teacher? play dota with your students. haha. no seriously. haha.

lessons have been pretty . . . havent really gotten into the whole mood for doing things. and guess what, i havent even shifted in cos i have no laptop yet! i'm so sorry SX. =(

but i'll be heading down to ikea this weekend to grab pillow, duvlet and some sheets. haha. already decided i'm gonna make my "bunk" as hospitable as posssible so i'll actually enjoy my time there. haha. i cant believe that my kranji camp bunk actually has more appeal than the ntu one. haha.

desire. faith. perseverence.
i want. i know. i work.

settling in

2008-07-31T11:28:00.002+08:00

have officially been assigned to hall 1. havent really taken a look at my new room. tmr perhaps. haha.

cohesion last wed. haha quite well planned i must say. haha. ended up having beef horfun at geylang before heading to selegie for gaming till 6. haha. really had to drag myself to class on wed morning. haha. ah. i miss the days in nus where i could just conveniently skip class. haha.

pondering if i should head back to nus today since this will probably be my last free day. haha. prof lang has retired or so i heard and may have already moved out. maybe i should go try my luck. haha.

the pay must come in soon! haha. i'm like surviving on my last 100 bucks! haha

dog

2008-07-28T09:38:00.003+08:00

“God created man, but seeing how weak he was, gave him the dog.” - Alphonse Toussenel

10 promises to my dog!

i guess for us born in the year of the dog, fated to live this life are we. =)

isnt

2008-07-21T18:39:00.001+08:00

you can feel it when life starts to change. every part of your body shivers with discomfort.

nie has officially begun. hall will be decided by the end of this week. lessons begining officially next monday. and another phase begins. this will be a short one. 10 months.

in order to savour life, one cannot cling on to the past. it has to go in order to have arms free to embrace the future. this is one thing i find it ever so hard to do time and time again. unfinished businesses of the past always keep me present in the past. never really to see what the future has in store. and even as i know this for a fact, the pull of what could have been still seems stronger than what could be.

the certainty of rectifying an outcome always seems greater than the endless possibilities of the future. even if it really isnt.

start

2008-07-07T23:12:00.002+08:00

a start again. fresh? i dunno.

but i am looking forward to what the future has in store for me. the past 10 months have been nothing short of enriching. what i would give to live it all over again. haha. how many nsfs have travelled to 5 different countries including south africa? how many have held a myraid of appointments: a stint as an artillery instructor, a project officer in mindef, a commander in my battery? how many nsfs have had the chance to write a speech for the chief of army? how many found themselves in a tightly knitt functional group? how many had the chance to work on developmental projects?

and better still, how many got to do all of the above?

i'm grateful for the chances. i'm grateful for the people. i'm grateful for my experiences in ns.

i'm sad to leave, cross my heart and hope to die. but how can i really complain have having enjoyed all of these?

Cayman Islands

2008-06-30T22:47:00.002+08:00

could any song be more soothing and ivoke such emotions in me i dunno.

Cayman Islands

through the alleyways to cool off in the shadows
then into the street following the water
there's a bearded man paddling in his canoe
looks as if he has come all the way from the cayman islands

these canals, it seems, they all go in circles
places look the same, and we're the only difference
the wind is in your hair, it's covering my view
I'm holding on to you, on a bike we've hired until tomorrow

if only they could see, if only they had been here
they would understand, how someone could have chosen
to go the length I've gone, to spend just one day riding
holding on to you, I never thought it would be this clear

u cant change everything...

2008-06-30T17:10:00.002+08:00

ording tmr. i should be happy. but i am not. haha.

when life hits, it hits hard. things all seem to crumble at the same time. u wonder if you chose the right job, if you chose the right people as friends, if you chose the right courses of action. and it becomes immensely difficult to remain positive when you start to doubt even yourself.

should i have gone into finance? signed on in the army? policy?

leopards don't change their spots. why treat unappreciative people well? why bother trying to change an individual? whey even bother thinking about it?

life's interesting sometimes because out of the darkest of nights come the most glorious of sunrises. the challenge is to stay positive in times like this. haha. what doesnt kill you makes you stronger. haha. perhaps i need more shaping up. haha. perhaps i should just react based on instinct. haha.

bah this is random.

teaching

2008-06-26T17:48:00.002+08:00

been teaching for a week now. haha. on the enhanced school experience programme.

i think i've burnt out even before i began. i dun find the passion inside of me anymore. i miss the army already. teaching the past few days has degraded into performing to the best of my abilities rather than out of dedication. haha perhaps i need something to reinvigorate me.

or else, i think i need to see how fast i can move on to HQ. at present, i suspect office work suits me more. sad case huh.

anyway life's not bad otherwise. going to sign up for stand chart end of this year. which would mean i should be running the ahm this aug with my bty. haha. must make it happen. every year i say i wanna run the stand chart but always find excuses.

oh and apparently my masters might have an effect on my pay. i'm crossing my fingers now. haha we'll see wat happens in the next few weeks. haha.

tribute

2008-06-16T22:05:00.007+08:00

i have officially spent my first monday away from the army for a long while. on leave. really on leave. wasn't too good a feeling. haha.

surprised? those who know me better probably aren't.

just feel like i've lost meaning in life again. haha. no more tasks assigned to me. no more people depending on me. no more deadlines to meet. no more feeling satisfied finishing early enough to enjoy a game of table tennis. no more calling back the office to ask if supper was needed. no more collecting orders to da bao. no more planning last parade pep talks. no more.

cpt ong was right. i plant my roots very fast and very deep. haha. hard to uproot and move on. oh well.

felt like that when the bty was busy while i was on course and now again. heh heh. what's new man? haha.

anyway, brought my bcp out to dinner last week. haha. save frederick who couldnt make it. haha. had a good time with them. hope they did. haha. daquan looked a little disturbed though.

dauqan: the spontaneous and most hardworking. always keeps us guessing what he will do next. isn't as depressing as he claims to be.

alfred: the most efficient. the smartest too i reckon. always sacrifices and sleeps in the front. he's going to make it big someday.

francis: the "elder" of my team. never runs out of things to say, jokes to crack or faces to pull and make. haha.

me: what can i say? they think they depend on me during ops. little do they realise how very much i depend on them.

i guess its hard to part with a team like them. haha. formed through hours stuck in an effectively 3m by 4m cell. 5 people. hard to develop some kind of bond i guess. haha. will miss them dearly when i ord. haha. such is what ns means to me.

anyway, i'll be heading down to nie to register tmr. haha. and then head back to 21 to give my final presentation on learning points on FD to my understudies. haha. i'm unwilling to give such a talk because it really marks the end for me and i dun want it to end. i really dun.

SUNDAY - bloc party

2008-06-14T18:30:00.001+08:00

SUNDAY

Heavy night, it was a heavy night
Feels like we've just, come back from the dead
Heavy night, it was a heavy night
I cannot remember what I said to anyone
If we get up now, we can catch the afternoon
Watch the under15's playing football in the park
Let’s sit in St Leonard's on this alcoholic day
We're doing the best, with what we've got

I love you in the morning
When you're still hung over
I love you in the morning
When you're still strung out

I work hard all week and so do you
We deserve to let off some steam
Less orthodox creeping,
We need to rage through all of this life
There might be ones who are smarter than you
That have the right answers that wear better shoes
Forget about those melting ice caps
We're doing the best, with what we've got

I love you in the morning
When you're still hung over
I love you in the morning
When you're still strung out

When I'm with you, I am calm
A pearl in your oyster
Head on my chest a silent smile
A private kind of happiness
You see giant proclamations
Are all very well
But our love is louder than words

I love you in the morning

could it be...

2008-06-08T20:20:00.002+08:00

booking in tonight again. and even though i officially ord on 1st july, this could very well be the last week i spend in camp. the whole week that is.

finishing up acct. got marksman for combat shoot (i think). haha. life's good la.

i'm def gonna miss the people in 21. my bcp team, my bro, my specs, my men, my battery. i'm gonna miss the bunk, my office, my table, the smell of chicken shit, the spell of doggie poo, the low water pressure, the 41 canteen oily food, the 21 canteen "on ah" uncle, etc.

i hate change.

indy

2008-06-03T01:32:00.003+08:00

haha went to watch indiana jones with daquan today. haha. brought back some memories of the past. haha. i think movies have changed alot these days. was refreshing to watch something based on old school films. haha.

back to camp in the morning tmr. but will be back home again. and then back to camp at night. haha. travelling is costing me a bomb.

back from SA

2008-06-01T13:44:00.008+08:00

back from the south. south africa. haha. it was a blast and call me mad, but i really wish it was longer. haha. am already missing the times there.

the scenery like every other country that experiences four seasons was magnifique! pitch black skys brusting into life every morning with gleams of yellow and gold creeping out from beyond the horizon. cold winds breathe life into rarely noticed trees and rustling thorn bushes as the light spreads across the vast plains warming up the frigid air. and even at noon, at the peak of the sun ascent, the moon remains steadily omnipresent in the now unltramarine skies. with the same amount of drama, the sun begins to "wane", first hiding behind low clouds, with some of its rays still bursting through, changing from bright yellow to gold and then orange as it settles behind the mountains. the sky now a myriad of colours orange then red then pink, purple and eventually settles into soothing, cold black. everyday all this happens amidst the lush yellow-green grasslands and rolling knolls.

saphire blue skys

ray bursting through low clouds. simply majestic.

i seriously never had so much fun outfield. and all while actually doing work. i guess the splendor of the enviorment, the enthusiasm of the company as well as a lingering realisation that this might be the last time i'm actually doing something like this all contributed.

my BRO. "you want good hides?" haha.

my mv maestro. "freakshow!"

had a safari trip and visited sun city during the r&r. haha. won 125 rand before foolishly gambling it all away again. haha. i can understand the addiction of gambling haha. hung out at the bars in the hotel very often with the lads as it was percieved too dangerous to roam about outside at night. haha.

the first bar. sundown ranch.

the table games were not open yet. dang.

the second bar. centurion lake hotel.

all in all a good trip! haha. facebook has more pics. haha. glad to be back in singapore as i chionged to bukit timah hawker centre with ian and ah poon for fried oyster omelette hokkien mee and carrot cake a few hours after touch down. haha. but nevertheless the memories of south africa still remain. haha. wonderful memories i keep with me for eternity.

onward to SA

2008-05-08T19:52:00.001+08:00

i've finally graduated from CTC. haha. think i got something like a high B grade. not sure how good it is. probably wun recieve any outstanding awards but i'm still happy with my performance. haha.

leaving for SA soon. will be back by June. take care ya all! haha.

tests

2008-05-01T09:55:00.002+08:00

what a hectic fortnight. i've had countless hours of tests. haha of which the most impt was the FATEP stage 1. haha.

well aside from that, brought yaoqi and kelvin for dinner at sistina (yes again) last monday. haha. the antipasto was good. frutti de mare. haha doesnt sound like something i would eat right? haha but they did say the prawns were good. haha.

beef was slightly below my expectations though. cod was good as usual. haha

been a long time since i met them. haha. in some sense they are my seniors, kinda weird right considering i'm much closer to getting my senior citizen's card compared to them. haha.

went out with alfred and daquan on sat to buy some south african rand. haha. which is a rare currency here in singapore. haha. went all the way to mustafa centre and then realised that there was no posb atm there and daquan ahd to draw money. haha. walked all the way to bugis to draw money, stopped over at simlim to get a sony mp3 player for myself and memory for daquan before returning to mustafa only to realise that someone had bought all the south african rand! haha in just 4 hours! haha.

dejected, we decided to go have dinner. daquan was pretty keen on catching the man u chelsea match so we scoured around and found that outback at milenia walk was screen the match and had dinner there. haha.

beef was normal. nothing special. haha. the 2 lads had chicken haha. reminds me of kenny rogers. eeeeee.

THEN, francis called alfred as asked him if we had gotten our rand. haha. we found out then that he was the one who bought all the rand while we were running around like headless chickens. haha. well ong story short, he was at marine parade i think and the money changer there had some rand. haha. so he helped us to buy some. haha.

advance party leaves on the 5th, i'll be gone on the 8th. hahaha. soon soon. haha.

command presence

2008-04-13T21:35:00.004+08:00

never underestimate the power or command presence. haha. i've come to realise that. the effect of just being around is far more than most people superiors or subordinates would want to admit. well at least that's the way i feel.

yes i know my steak doesn't look nice. it's bad camera skills la. haha. steak was excellent!

celebrated mom's birthday at au petit salut on sat. food was good. haha. steak nicely done up. juicy on the inside. mom and dad shared the black angus. haha. if you ask me, i've learnt never to share food with others. especially beef. i recall the last time i shared steak with yaoqi at morton's. haha. because its a dish meant for 2, the beef inevitably becomes hard to cook espeically if you're the sort who prefers it rare like me. haha.

dinner and conversation. haha. what an excellant way to spend the evening. haha.

this week's gonna be siong for me. haha. night snack will be indented from mondays to fridays. haha. army guys can feel the pain. haha.

gonna meet alex and steve at jp ta go back. haha. have a good week ya all! 4 more weeks to africa!

here i am

2008-04-07T00:25:00.002+08:00

attending course now.

alex steve and i seem to be the only ones back in camp now. haha. thinking about breakfast tmr. haha.

going to be a siong course.

i miss my battery. but hey at least i get to train with my fd team every saturday. haha.

ok let me put this down as evidence. kelvin wants to go backpacking end of the year. get yaoqi to go along and we're all set. haha. there. now he cant pang seh us. haha.

ok ok shall blog more tomorrow. tired now. nitez!

proud

2008-03-30T20:50:00.002+08:00

what a busy week. was on a coaching course. what can i say. i'm reeling after the end. was a blast. think it taught me more than i expected it to.

proud. by heather small. initially sounded semi gospel and cheesy inspirational. but hooks ya on pretty quick.

what have i done today to make me feel proud? haha. i think i can be proud of today. surely.

it doesnt matter how much appreciation others show you. you can be proud just by knowing what you've done for the day. proud you made a difference. self acknowledgement is perhaps the most important form of acknowledgement. how much you have done for the day, you know yourself. let no unreciprocated greetings dampen your spirits. we should probably seek personal approval more so than we seek recognition from others.

haha. i'm busy yes. busy but very happy. i want to be busy and happy for a long time to come. haha.

back from camp early today. back to camp i go now. haha i'm busy but i must seek no recognition nor remunerations. haha. =)

seperation

2008-03-23T20:07:00.002+08:00

this week marks the first of 6 weeks of seperation from my battery. i'll be on course till we fly.

sux really.

met up with yaoqi for dinner last tue. glad he's still good, finally the range incident is water under the bridge. haha. bought almost 200 bucks with of groceries for my cp. bring it overseas in may. haha. hopefully it will be well equiped without being excessive.

"too many people spend money they havent earned to buy things they dun want to impress people they dun like" haha. true huh.

new officers came. my understudy's good. haha. too good perhaps. haha.

disappointed with people. not new. i'm always susceptable to that. but well it sux. maybe what they say is true. my expectations of others are too high. oh well.

gotta go back now. ciaoz!

ops

2008-03-09T19:45:00.002+08:00

another week gone by.

celebrated dad's birthday yesterday. went to pete's place at the hyatt for dinner. nice place. not bad food though i still think sistina's a bit better. over heard a conversation between a old looking western (read ang mo) man and a youngish chinese (obviously singaporean based on her accent) woman.

man: you know, i have a confession to make.
woman: ...
man: i remember the first time i saw you... you... you just knocked (knocked sounds wrong but...) me off of my feet.
woman: awww that's so sweet.
man: and when i heard you were already married, i was devastated.

me *gasp*

man: then now that i return to singapore. and realize you're single again...

me *gasp*

man: well it's a bad thing you're single, errm, i mean i'm not happy you broke up, no wait i mean it's not a nice thing you split, no this isnt coming out right...

me *laughs*

hahahaha

anyway the dinner was good. must be activated for alot of ops soon. haha. how i wish i did not have to go for ctc. haha. new batch of officers coming in soon. haha. my train my understudy to be kilat kilat. sigh. part of me wants to train him badly so that he will underperform and i will be chosen as the real gpo for the ns battalion. but, i know that's not the right thing to do. sigh. haha. i'll miss my bty and my cp staff. haha.

how sim? dun think u can plan ur norway trip liao. heard u all also have to register for nie on the 16th. dorming still on? haha

back to camp.

emo

2008-03-02T22:27:00.002+08:00

emo i am. very little time left with my battery. ord is pending. i got promoted. 2nd bar. kinda sad when you dun ord with your team. sad.

exercise tomorrow. till wednesday.

haha. amazing right? but i'm glad i made the right decision to stay in the battery rather than go up. yongqiang was right. nothing beats it. really. when you fight as one.

the countdown should begin...

2008-02-24T19:51:00.002+08:00

did not realise i did not update my blog last week. if i recall, i was rushing out to meet kah kiat before booking in. had a 2 day 1 night exercise the next day so had to stock up on rations. haha.

it's time i started counting down to fatep. local one in 23 days time. not very prepared. well at least i think i can handle any mission sent down to me. but my guys are not up there yet. if they declare gpo down in this current state, my entire bcp will fall. really. sigh.

to lead to excel to overcome. i think excel in my work within the bcp. but how to i inspire others. how do i motivate my crew. to make them see that redcon 1 is something worth fighting for. i dunno. i really dont. how do i lead them? how do i overcome the problem?

anyway after fatep 1, i'll be leaving 21sa behind for safti mi for 5 weeks. very long course awaits me. hope my understudy comes quick then i can coach him to train my bcp. haha. what qihui sed was true, even though it was a joke. i am very possessive haha. my bcp is mine. i sure as hell wun let anyone else upset the inner workings of it. haha.

haha conducted range last week and i realise that the toughest part of being the conducting officer is the pre-range works. haha. by the time you reach the day of the range (which sadly happened to be V-day), everything's set in motion. haha.

currently saving up for a trip in june. dun noe who's going. or where. or if the trip doesnt materialise, then at least i have money for a sony vaio laptop. haha. guys and electronics. haha inseparable. haha.

short week for me. safety duties for the first half and then NE course. possibly DOO this sat, my last. haha. u know, the fact that army is coming to an end is starting to sadden me. haha. honest and true to my heart. haha. i write more when i ord but i think i'll really be emo then. i've had a wealth of experience during ns and i wunt trade the experience for anything. haha. really. now come on. what will it take for you to believe me? haha. really. haha. ciao!

2 to tango

2008-02-03T21:30:00.000+08:00

it takes two (or more) to tango. what could be more true. in work, at home, in whatever we do that involves others. the success of a project, the strength of a friendship, etc.

anyway, just bought gerri dinner at sistina. haha had pretty nice cod fish. she had, as i would have guess (after 9 years of friendship) salmon. not too bad i must say. ambience was good. service was attentive and food, well quite excellent. haha. i love having these little dinners. dinner and conversation. what more could i ask for. haha.

promised to treat dawei kelvin and yaoqi to ORD dinner soon. haha. probably sometimes this month after cny. haha. sistina again? perhaps.

speaking with kelvin the other day, i realised i havent met up with some of my closer frens in recent times. haha. bad bad. everyone's busy with their own stuff. haha even roon mentioned that she hasnt heard the phrase "up your culture points" for a very long time. haha my pet phrase. haha. luckily most of my close frens are single. haha. valentine's day dinner anyone? haha. in the meantime, the attached pple like kelvin will be busy trying to think of innovative ways/presents to celebrate that day with their gfs. haha.

looked at jamie's msn pic. haha. feel like going hokkaido already. haha.

ah well. it's 1.5 days in camp this week. haha tuesday is my battery's cohesion day. we're having steamboat dinner. haha. then wednesday is half day, but for those that passed soc (aka yours truely) we can take full day. haha. mum says this year's reunion dinner will be cooked at home. haha. as it should be. haha. feel like helping out. haha. been a long time since i stepped into the kitchen to make rather than to consume. haha.

elizabeth's bdae today! happy bdae girl! haha. ok time for me to get ready to get back to camp. my lao ban is coming back tomorrow. i finally relinquish the position of acting bc. haha. *phew*. it was an experience. haha but i think i'm happier the way i am now. haha. life's good. wrong. life's GREAT! haha.

mmm...

2008-01-27T23:06:00.000+08:00

haha. jan is almost over. that means 5 more months to ord. haha 5 ultra packed months. sheesh. i'd rather have 10 lobo months. would i? i dunno.

it's gerri's birthday again. happy birthday girl. haha. not sure what to get you this time. or maybe we've grown out of the buy presents thing. dinner treat? haha.

i was just thinking the other day about how sometimes we behave in certain ways because we hope others would follow suit. haha. quite common huh. and then we get all upset when they dont.

to lead by example. a tenet of ocs. and yet i think it applies to more situations that just leadership.

i find myself these days a little bit disgruntled by the way certain people behave. and a question that inevitably pops into my head (sooner or later) would be "y are they behaving like that even though i'm doing the opposite?". it's kind of funny really. to think that i would expect people to behave the way i behave or to treat me the way i treat them. i guess being brought up on the proverbial "do unto others as you would have them do to you", i might have taken the phrase a little too seriously. haha. after all, all it says is that the way we shoudl behave is the way we hope others would behave. it says nothing about the consequences of your actions. haha.

but yes. i'm in a disappointed state right now. with all sorts of people. haha. but hey, who's totally happy with everyone else around them haha.

last week sitting in my bc's office. he's coming back next week! you have no idea how glad i am. seriously. haha.

anyway. basic theory test tmr. took a day's off, but might need to go back earlier than normal perhaps at 1 to conduct a lesson. all in a day's work. haha. ladidadida.

busy busy busy

2008-01-20T22:02:00.000+08:00

was DOO again. haha. yes saturday. i'm the most experienced when it comes to saturday DOO. haha.

pretty intense week again. busy. but alot of fun also with close combat training. seriously my neck and ribs hurt. well they did. there was once i was moving around with 8 salon pas plasters tuck on various parts of my sore body. haha. painful, but nonetheless fun.

pretty routine this week. nothing really out of the ordinary. met kelvin for dinner after 3 div coc on friday. ramen.

also managed to "program" this excel spreadsheet to help me manage MV outfield, during my DOO duty.

boring. nothing much to write. it's going to be another week of late night working and early morning PT. sigh. not looking forward to it. but yes it will pass by quickly. another one of those weeks. haha.

take care ya all.

acting BC

2008-01-13T20:59:00.000+08:00

hmmm. life is army is getting busier by the day. am assuming the role of acting BC for this month till CNY while my BC is on course. as such, almost everything is falling on my shoulders. it's been quite good so far i guess.

pretty good week for me i guess. ran my first soc in 5 years, clocked a time of 08:52 and will never have to take it again. haha. also met up with yaoqi for dinner on wednesday. had this $50 woucher from uob for morton's chicago: the steakhouse. i was really drooling for anticipation the day before. haha. in the end. i can only say i chose the wrong slab of meat. haha. it wasnt bad. just too much and not savory enough. trust me. if you every go somewhere posh, chose the meat of the smallest size. it usually is the best. haha. had a good chat with yaoqi nonetheless. poor guy's been under the fire quite a bit this month.

got home on friday night all reved up and ready to play some games on my comp. came into my room, dumped my bag on the ground, emptied my pockets, and turned on the computer. it started to boot. loaded windows as i changed into singlet and shorts. and then, it turned off by itself. all other attempts to kick start it failed. was too tired to bother, went straight to bed (due to the fact that i've been waking up consistantly for 5bx every morning and not sleeping early).

next morning i sort of guessed that there might be a problem with the psu. went to west mall to get a new one. installed it. still didnt work. dismantled the entire cpu. tested every single device and came to the conclusion that my motherboard was dead. headed over to simlim sq trying to find a new one. didnt have. bought a close relative. came home praying that it wouldnt need a format. it needed one. oh well. formatted my comp again and now have everything set up.

and that's how i spent my weekend. haha. oh played badminton today for 4 hours. tiring but enjoyed almost every bit of it. was a good game. haha been long time since we played like that. perhaps due to wq getting new shoes and finally not slipping and sliding around the court. haha.

DOO on saturday again. tried to volunteer for CNY day 1 but i think people think i'm mad. i really dun like CNY. i think it's lame that i have to go visit people i would not otherwise visit. haha. sometimes i feel like giving them angbaos so that i dun have to visit them. haha.

haha anyway it's back to camp. this week is entirely unarmed combat. haha. should be tiring. haha oh well. ciaoz! oh yes i won the faculty teaching assistant award or something. but in the army cannot go. maybe they revoked it. haha. nitez!

sticky situations!!

2008-01-01T22:08:00.000+08:00

happy 2008 to one and all!!

i hope the year will work out better than it started. basically alot of people are in sticky situations now. yaoqi's in one and i dunno how to help. and i am partially teh cause of 2 other situations. dun u hate it when ur doing ur own work right and then somehoe it implicates others. it's not ur fault, u've just been doing the right thing, but because of this, someone else gets stuck. it sux big time!!

well. what can i say.

i hope the year will turn out alot better! i'll figure out how to help. i will.

going back to camp now. will write my resolutions on saturday when i am DO. i have lotsa goals. i will achieve them. haha. what r urs? take care ya all!

xmas!!!!!!!

2007-12-25T00:57:00.000+08:00

wow. 3 weeks without updates. alot has happened.

basically. celebrated my bdae. and today, MERRY CHRISTMAS to all!! haha.

bought dinner for my parents and sis at crystal jade's korean bbq and ginseng place. good food. and then subsequently got treated to lunches by yaoqi and kelvin respectively. haha. pretty good to be bdae boy (or as they would say i'm an old man liao) among friends like them. haha.

basically, cant recall everything that has happened in the past few weeks. good and bad. i've experienced everything from the highest of highs to the lowest of lows. haha. pretty dramatic if u ask me.

but essentially, i think i let 2 of my mates in kranji down. sigh. i can only pray that band 1 is still achievable. i'm sorry buddy. sorry justyn. it hurts to be the point of weakness. it really hurts.

ah well. at least one thing is confirmed. i'm 'c' gpo. haha. at the expense of dane. so i dunno if i shld be happy or not. sigh. life is full of mixed feelings.

anyway enough of my ranting. here's toasting to everyone an merry merry xmas. the new year wishes will come later. haha. ciao!

kranji my 2nd home

2007-12-02T20:43:00.000+08:00

42km. when will i be able to complete it. haha. congrats to the bearers of the finisher shirts. haha.

thinking about what to type now as i contemplate whether i should head back to kranji or not. haha. yes i do have an option. primarily because i am on course now. haha. registered online for driving (finally) and should be going down to do all the necessary stuff tomorrow after my course.

bought a nice pair of shoes. haha. asics nimbus 9. looking forward to running lots. gold i must get.

been in a reflective mood today. must be the lack of exercise and sheer lethargy. anyway here goes. when you get the feeling ur being used or that people are nice to you because they want something from you, do u
a) stop being nice
b) be nice and be taken advantage of.

is your choice based on the ideology that only nice people deserve to be treated likewise or is it based on the notion that how others behave is of minor consequence (ie what matters is that you are able to hold your head up high and treat others nicely).

we often try to evaluate ourselves based on others. but is this really necessary?

should we react based on how others behave?

should our actions be dictated by the actions of others?

hmmm.

anyway yeah i hope we'll rarely be caught in situations like this. people who appear nice because of a hidden agenda should burn in hell. haha. not a nice thing for me to say.

haha here's a nice pic i took in wallaby.

my best gun. haha. look at the branches everywhere. garang.

and here's me deciding i should return to kranji tonight. good night ya all.

back!!!!

2007-11-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

phew. back up above from down under!

honestly, it was a pretty good trip. great bonding for my battery. honestly, i can't really complain that much. at the end of the day, i miss the times spent there. cross my heart.

be starting on a course tomorrow. yes. no break for me. went to submit my thesis for the last time today. officially, i will be receiving my masters from nus soon. commencement next july.

hopped back to 21 after that (well taxied is a better choice of word). cleared 89 emails. mostly rubbish. it's pretty dead over there now. the officers i hang out with were not there. neither were my specialists. quite a sad trudge back to camp for me. even sadder in the coming days when i'll be in khatib.

anyway. peace to the one who died in the freak dragon boat accident. peace to their families and friends as well.

judging a book

2007-10-31T22:30:00.000+08:00

never judge a book by its cover. sound familiar? though overused and cliche, this routine phrase cannot be overemphasized because time after time after time, we find oursleves guilty of paying it disregard. well at least i do.

friends only appear as friends after trials by fire. enemies only appear as enemies after a loss is incured. sad as it may be, it takes a monumental event before relationships are tested, personalities are known and motives cleared. so treasure the friend who has been there for 8 years through your everything.

i've always thought i could size people up pretty quickly. with deadly accuracy (haha boy i've been spending too much time in army). and yet as i am about to approach my 25th birthday, i realise that i am none the wiser when it comes to intepreting people. what can i say? it's a learning experience everyday. haha. it's not always a negative experience though. haha.

anyway, cutting the crap. off to aust i go tmr. for a long 25 days. haha. i'll miss singapore for sure. haha. and i'll hate sand when i get back i know for sure. haha.

had a race yesterday in camp. men of steel it is titled. team of 5. run. 100 pullups. run. elevate barrel. 200 situps. depress barrel. run. half soc. run. cas-evac. jigsaw. sprint. my shoulders are aching. but at least we got 3rd. if u ask me, i was not aiming for anything. but i was certainly hoping for gold. haha. i'm a contradiction i know. haha. well third's not too bad. hmm had kah kiat weebing eric clarence (better pen it down in case god forbid we all lose touch). think they covered alot for me. all i could do was run run and run. hahaha.

medal cos i had a good team. team kk!

had a good last day today with lunch at west mall. met up with herk. long time. nice chat. havent had such a nice chat in a while. haha. interestingly i realise we somehow manage to always talk abt eng lang in someway or another during our dialogues. orthography was the topic of the day. was it? haha.

anyway i think i've grown old. i cannot carry out a brainless conversation for too long these days. honestly, my head hurts when i'm involved in one for too long. and when i'm with someone ready for small talk, i start rambling on abt something serious and impt. i've become an old fuddy duddy!!! ah well. it's part of the aging process. i guess i shld be thankful that i just talk like that without the grey hair and saggy skin.

arrgh old!

anyway i better get going. do a last check on the items i'm supposed to bring over to that god forsaken place ( i reckon it'll be like sungei gedong just 1000 times larger). haha. till i see you all again, take care. i'll try to buy a trinket or 2 for you. haha oh yes and did i mention rockhampton is th BEEEEEF capital of the world. well maybe not capital. but it has good beef. haha. that's another thing i'm looking forward to. haha. ciao!

aust beckons

2007-10-28T16:06:00.000+08:00

last week's exercise went pretty well i guess. not very efficient but managed to iron out alot of things.

well this is my last sunday before i fly to aust this thrusday. half looking forward to it only. not sure if we are entirely prepared. oh well. this is the start of a long chain of exercises and courses for me. tempo's picking up now.

i realised somthing about my body this week. after not eating much for 2 days, my appetite in general has dropped drastically. during the 3 days of exercise, i basically at 1 meal a day. then i just realised i cannot finish one plate of chicken rice or 1 bowl of fish soup or a helping of sheng mian at all. feel so bloated. think i'm losing weight again. haha. and in order to get back to eating normally, i have to go thru the process of force feeding myself. which means each meal becomes a chore until i'm back to normal. doctors... any other way out? haha.

anyway just make a bet u guys. tomorow my rsm will say to me "sir ah, ni tou fa you yi dian chang le". i can just feel it. haha. but i'm waiting for the day of my flight to go cut. haha. anyway i gotta go back camp early today to settle stuff. haha. take care ya all!

perfectionist

2007-10-21T20:27:00.000+08:00

gerri says i'm a perfectionist. i would disagree. i would not be in position if i was one. haha.

when is trying enough? when do you know you've reach your limits? when does quitting mean you've tried your best? these questions.

no time to write. back to kranji to prepare for exercise. haha. till next time. ciao!

long term short term

2007-10-15T09:59:00.000+08:00

was DO on saturday again. so came out of camp on sunday morning.

went to have lunch with gerri at la mian xiao long bao and then play badminton with wq francis and sis.

while transiting from lunch to badminton, i went to uob to deposit some cash (yes i'm still doing manual transfers from posb to uob everytime my money comes in... racecar ur not alone... haha)

was approached by a personal banker trying to convince me to create this new savings account with 3-5% guranteed interest. but as the conversation went on it seemed clear that savings was clearly not the thing for me:

Banker: I'm sure every month you put aside some money to save.
Me: No.
Banker: Not at all?
Me: Only if I am planning to get something.
Banker: Ok. Then have you thought about getting married in the future. You have to save for that right?
Me: Nope. I don't think so far.
Banker: Do you drive?
Me: Nope and I have no intention of getting a car.
Banker: So you have nothing you're saving for now?
Me: Errrm... does a holiday trip in june and a sony vaio laptop in august count?
Banker: Short term goals huh? But yes you see if you keep saving in your current account you only get 0.25% where as if you change you will get 3-5%.
Me: But I want to go on the trip next June and buy the laptop next August so interest will amount to like what 10 dollars?
Banker: ....

HAHAHA

it wasnt as bad as how it sounds by reading that out loud though. it was a pretty funny conversation. even left my contact details and told him to call me next aug when i start drawing salary from moe. haha.

well i guess close friends would know what sort of person i am. haha. i don't save for a rainy day because when you might not live to see that rainy day. haha. why live your life preempting a day that you will need spare cash? that's a rather pessimistic way of living life right? haha. i can hear some people saying "be realistic nicholas" but well i guess it's just the way i'd rather live my life. why worry about all the "ifs" even if they are likely to happen. it's a grey line. some people would have you believe that you should not worry so much about things that may or may not happen and yet in the same breath they chide you for not planning for your future. haha. funny gens these people are.

anyway yeah right now i'm living with the means of an NSF officer. it's pretty fine for me. if i earn 500 a month, i'll spend like i have 500 a month. if i earn 100k a month, i'll spend like i earn 100k a month. nothing strange nothing weird. i just adapt to changing circumstances. haha. come on folks!! join me!! hahaha...

ok this is borderline rambling already. anyway 20sa and yaoqi have just flown to india for their live firing evaluation. haha. mine will be soon i guess. haha. don't know if i am looking forward to live firing.

anyway planning to visit jamie next june in hokkaido. anyone want to join in? free accomodation up to availablity from the language queen! haha. well i gotta go to school to settle my final submission. ciao!

2007-10-07T14:52:00.000+08:00

read sumiko tan's article on cyber-loafing today in lifestyle. it's been a while since i read her articles and i thought she was losing her style a little. but a line struck me today:

"if i want to get in touch with a friend, i no longer write him a letter, i just send him an sms, and i expect a reply, pronto, in 30 seconds flat, or i'll get mad."

haha to tell u the truth, i do get mad sometimes. haha. but i've been getting mad so often these days, i too start to reply smses later and later. dun ask me why. it's not a tit for tat thing but hey. so ok. here's my resolution. i aim to reply all your smses within 30 seconds. hopefully u will reply mine in 30 too! haha.

anyway LES AMIS has reopened. i wonder who will be willing to try it with me. haha. sorry guys, i can't say my trest this time. your poor nsf here is earning barely enough to feed himself. haha. so any takers? prepare about 200 bucks for top service and the best french cuisine in singapore.

had a good game of tennis this morning. my placement is getting better after the long hiatus, and hitting with more varied depth and spins. it's good to really play sports when life gets you down. haha. i always need to fa xie a little which is why i like tennis and badminton so much (especially badminton... when you get the chance to do multiple consecutive smashes... and you grunt... haha... all ur pent up frustration gets released... haha refreshing)

anyway talked to this ajumma last night. my ex-korean classmate. she's moving on to level 6 korean liao. so impressive. i'm so motivated to retake korean again. so any takers. looking for young dynamic individual keen on learning a new language. must be willing to spend tuesday and thursday nights at korean school and will to go through with it for extended periods. only motivated individuals need apply. haha

look at the bbdc website now. looking to start. finally getting off my tuckus to do stuff. haha.

anyway i'll check back with you guys soon. haha. dun forget me. dun miss me! haha.

so called friends

2007-10-06T20:18:00.000+08:00

everyone seems to be having relationship problems these days. yes relationship in the broader context: family issues, friendship issues, office politics etc...

sometimes i think it's an asset to be emotionally numb. haha. then u get thru life with as little bumps and hiccups along the way. u pull that dagger in your back out and continue working like nothing has gone wrong. or you start dating someone else again like u've never dated before. it's painless and fuss-free.

in a clearer state of mind. everyone would say that life's not worth living unless you experience both the ups and the downs. but when you're down, this philosophy doesnt look too right. haha.

so my wish to all of you who have have suffered stabs in the back, who have problems with a significant other, who have "fair weather" friends, etc... is the strength to pull through.

haha oh ya. with the umbrella song by rihanna being played on the radio at least 5 times daily, jerome showed me a softer version by mandy moore. haha. sounded weird at first, but this slwer version brings the bridge out better i think. haha. the lyrics also deem carry a different meaning sung like that.

Mandy Moore - Umbrella

Mandy Moore - Umbrella Lyrics

You had my heart
and we'll never be world apart
Maybe in magazines
but you'll still be my star
Baby cause in the Dark
You can see shiny Cars
that's when you need me there
With you I'll always share
Because...

When the sun shines
We’ll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Told you we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella eh eh)

These fancy things,
will never come in between
You're my entity
Here for Infinity
When the war has took it's part
When the world has dealt it's cards
If the hand is hard
Together we'll mend your heart
Because ...

When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Told you we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella

You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella

You can run into my Arms
That's okay don't be alarmed
(Come into Me)
(There's no distance in between our love)
Gonna let the rain pour
I'll be all you need and more ooohh
Because ...

When the sun shines
We'll shine together
Told you I'll be here forever
Said I'll always be your friend
Took an oath
I'mma stick it out 'till the end
Now that it's raining more than ever
Told you we still have each other
You can stand under my Umbrella
You can stand under my Umbrella
(Ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)
Under my umbrella
(ella ella eh eh eh)

It's raining
Ooo baby it's raining (raining)
baby come into me
Come into me
It's raining
Ooo baby it's raining
Come into me
Come into me

anyway, it's going to be a busy 2 weeks for me again. prep for november exercise. oh well. i miss my freinds who i havent seen in a while. hope u guys are all ok. take care.

no time no time...

2007-09-30T22:53:00.000+08:00

no time to blog.

interview was bad in my opinion. can forget abt MAP. went out with qiang and ting to celebrate ting's bdae. chanced across this sign. haha. funny.

go ahead and shout at it! call the number too! haha.

anyway gotta book into camp. will be at sungei gedong again this week. sian. i miss kranji already. take care ya all.

2007-09-23T21:32:00.000+08:00

tired man.

spent the whole week at the BRONCO drivers course. what is a BRONCO? here's a picture of it.

a BRONCO on parade. no that is not me.

yes. i'm learning how to drive the thing. and i'm not exactly the world's best driver. wasnt a pretty sight at all when i first took to the wheel. kept over rotating the steering wheeling. resulting in a very s shaped path along a straight road, and must dismay to the flora around the bends (maybe i killed a little of the fauna too). haha. but i think i've gotten the hang of it. haha. alot more confident now. haha. maybe this will put me in good stead to pass my driving test once i start taking lessons? haha. i'm learning this because in the future, i will have to be the vehicle commander of a BRONCO. yes that tiny bendy bus will be my temple when we go out field and i need to know how to drive it in case my driver falls out. haha.

anyway, tomorrow's the driving test. haha. hope i pass.

got commission's interview this tuesday. and i'm totally not prepared. once again i have to pray that my mouth and demeanour will save me. many times, i've gotten through life because of my mouth and hopefully this will be another one of those instance. i have no knowledge on policies etc and i think it's perhaps a little too late for me to figure that one out now. haha. oh well. did i really think i would be among the elite of the civil service? haha.

anyway i treated my family to dinner today. bought rocky's pizza (remember that brand? the one with the super nice boston special?). nice to have a goooood meal after so long. hope to have a nice meal after the interview on tuesday too. haha. ah comfort foods. what would we do without them.

okie okie. it's time for me to go back to kranji. and no, i'm not whining about it. the place is not bad (minus the dog shit and chicken shit aromas), and the people are great. haha. another week of work awaits. till i see ya all again! ciao!

week??

2007-09-16T20:15:00.001+08:00

oanother week has passed. no photos this week though. havent been out with a camera.

anyways my commission/emplacement interview is on the 25th. and since next saturday i will be DOO again, i decided that i should go and get some new clothes for the interview. well i was only planning to get a new pair of leather shoes initially. my old hush puppies has served me well, but unfortunately the sole's come off and it is beyond repair. anyway i went from store to store, from isetan to metro to taka to boss to ck to x2 etc. didnt really see anything spectacular (i was looking for a white shirt) until i went into raoul. there in a rack of white shirts, i saw the one i was destined to buy. haha. spent a small fortune on it. so hopefully it will bring me a small fortune during the interview. haha.

sian. it's been ages since i caught my last movie. been wating to watch the rat show but keep getting postponed! haha. oh well not destined. haha.

ok la. almost time to "book" in. tmr we'll be initiating the new officers with a 14 km run from khatib to kranji. then i'll go for bronco course. haha. friday's happy hour will be a puke fest for me i'm sure. haha. they'd better get a stand in DOO for this sat in case i'm too gone. haha.

ok. hope everyone else has been having a good time. ciao!

posse

2007-09-09T17:31:00.000+08:00

what a hectic week!! haha really was indeed. my first "break" now. was DOO yesterday somemore. at least i can look forward to wednesday. once that is over, then i can concentrate largely on my ops.

army open house was really quite a fun experience, even though i probably inflated my already oversized eyebags beyond the restrain of my eye sockets. haha. learnt lots and in particular, how to deal with people scolding you. must say that i was really sad and depressed on saturday after a bad day of attempting service recoveries. went for some comfort food with yao qi later at la mian xiao long bao. and promised myself to do better the next day.

and my fist service recovery was a total success on sunday! was so elated and that spurred me on to do more that day. haha. frankly i still don't like being scolded (who does), but i think i'm more equipped to handle it now. haha. thank you saf. haha.

oh yes, of course other than the fun of being able to be part of something so big, it was really cool to be able to get to know some people better through this event. haha. company is always an important thing in life. a long life with a bad crowd of twerps is nothing compared to a short one blessed with a good posse of friends. (ooh i like the sound of that. maybe someone will quote me someday HAHAHA!)

fireworks that the mc described as being as good as national day... was it? haha... maybe...

"thanks for coming sir/maam, the exit is over to your left, have a pleasant journey home" hahaha... mickey mouse...

the champion balloon twisters who stood in the mud of combat world trying to make kids happy... did we succeed?

no more bags, no more badges, no more rewards... time to go home... haha...

the audit/lunch/dinner gang minus minus... haha...

haha. phew. time to catch my breath. haha. hope everyone is doing fine. esp jamie in sapporo. take care!

2007-08-19T21:34:00.000+08:00

nus still owes me money. i'm sooo broke now. until either nus gives me back what they owe me, or we reach 10th sept (nsf payday).

anyway it has been a rather hectic week for me in camp. lotsa things to do.

involved in army open house too. do go if you have the time. it will be from the 30th of aug to the 3rd of sept i believe. heh.

anyway here's me counting down again. 46 weeks to ord.

Greeen

2007-08-12T20:13:00.000+08:00

i've finally submitted my thesis! that spells the end of my life as a graduate student. the past few months have really been fun.

had lunch with sheng xiang and wu liang a while back before i finished my thesis. haven been wanting to blog about this place for a long time now. the restaurant is called qing xiang guan at west coast cc opposite ginza plaza and i think the food there is reasonable. been rather addicted to the shu zhu yang rou.

mostly my favourite dishes (except the ma po tofu which sheng xiang and wu liang agreed was the best dish)

MY favourite dish........ SHUI ZHU YANG ROU 水煮羊肉!

the food in the picture doesnt look that good because we were already halfway through when i remember to take a snap.

anyway, tkm treated me to lunch on my last day at nus. brought me to the guild house for a 3 course lunch at this restaurant there. had some morrocan fish appetiser and some steak thing for the main course. finally had my steak done rare. well to me it was medium rare. but hey. you cant seem to get anything rare here in singapore unless u go to fancy restaurants.

in the evening, had dinner with colleagues from office. haha. they got me the harry potter stamp collection as my parting gift. haha. had a fun time with them at marche. it's such a pity i could not stay longer. would have very much loved to do my masters for another year.

sigh.

anyway now i am back in camp. new camp this time. haha. 47 more weeks till i ord!

lunching with sx

2007-07-28T21:49:00.000+08:00

haha. went to play tennis this morning. with sheng xiang - my (sur)namesake! havent met him for like what, 2 years? haha. so it was pretty fun chatting and goofing around with him. haha. had lunch at HK kim garry restaurant. haha. nissin noodles and luncheon meat for me and some spicy looking noodles for him. haha. he weights 55kg but if you look at how he eats, you'd be shocked! haha.

"OMG that looks spicy!"

"Do you really think this will trouble me at all?"

"See I finished everything with room for pineapple rice!"

My Nissin Chu Qian Yi Ding Noodles with luncheon meat and egg

"French" toast... haha...

the food was pretty ok i guess. did not like the peanut butter in the french toast though. haha. ok i have at least found one potential roommate for nie. haha. cool! otherwise i would have to travel from clementi everyday.

moving on to the next phase of my life. sigh.

2007-07-25T11:15:00.000+08:00

in almost exactly 2 weeks time, i will once again surrender my pink ic and recieve my 11b. sigh. it's back to the green for 10 months. hopefully this time i can accomplish something.

1) driving test
2) korean
3) french
4) prepare for CFA
5) finish up sagan and james
etc

i just want to finish at least one of the above. haha. to show that i have done something worthwhile in this time.

my colleague is going to bring her copy of the last book of harry potter down to the office today. haha. shall read it in my spare time there. hope to finish it quickly. haha. well i roughly know the ending already. since she could not resist the temptation and read only the first 3 and the last 3 chapters. haha.

anyway. jamie's leaving on her JET(plane) (dun know when she'll be back again HAHAHA ok fine i'm lame) on 5th aug morning. i want to go see her off. anyone free that day too? haha.

sang nila utama

2007-07-16T23:45:00.000+08:00

wat an interesting weekend!

haha a busy saturday it was indeed. meet qiang and ting for lunch at suki sushi buffet. not very nice, but it was ok, and the company was great. haha. we then went to some arcade at DG mrt. felt really old and outdated. and in our words, felt very "uncle" when we dooked at some of the new games and wondered in amazement at how it was being played. haha. so we proceeded to waste our money on "uncle" games like those old shooters and bishi bashi. aaaaand, I WON BISHIBASHI!!! haha.

haha. xu zhu, xiao feng and duan yu! haha. look like or not? haha.

then proceeded to esplanade for DIM SUM DOLLIES!!! haha. laughed a whole lot. thanks to wq who booked the tickets, we had very good seats. it was a pleasurable experience totally!

very central view. i wun settle for anything less from now. haha. atas!

the teachers!! (well teacher and teacher-to-be) haha.

the PATRIOTIC doctors!! haha gerri see the lighting made you look tan! haha.

ah now back to work. going to watch harry potter with gerri tmr morning and then meet terence to get an invite for his ROM!! woo hoo!! i'm so honoured!!

so now it's sleep for me. not before a few durians. yum yum.

bad day

2007-07-12T23:24:00.000+08:00

today everyone seemed to be chasing me for things.

moe called me up to ask if i have arranged for re-enlistment. my supervisor sent me an email telling me that my preliminaries chapter needs work. friends asking me if i'm free to play tennis. etc etc.

but otherwise, it was a pretty good day. haha. read through analysis for books 5 and 6 of harry potter. looking to catch the movie soon, and just might get a hold of the 7th book to read. haha. this brings back memories of my secondary school days doing literature. i read 3 out of 5 chapters of macbeth, the first and the last chapter of the river between, and only watched the movie of the crucible when i took my o levels. haha. amazing how i got through right? haha.

well i watched the first 4 movies for harry potter. And then read analysis for 5 and 6, so perhaps, just perhaps, i might read the 7th. haha in full. haha.

anyways, a busy weekend for me. dim sum dollies, meeting qiang and ting, class outing, etc. phew! what a way to end the week! woo hoo!

fried mars bar

2007-07-11T10:32:00.000+08:00

haha. had a really good game yesterday. haha. 2 hours and we only platyed 2 matches. first game we (junquan and i ) won in 3 games and we lost the second in 2. was ni the middle of getting a hypoglycemic reaction in the second game of the second match. haha. been a while since i enjoyed it so much. might get a coach is NS allows me time. haha.

went out with junquan for dinner later. food republic at wisma. the fried hokkien mee there sux. i have no clue why there was a queue for it. but speaking of queues. i loved the jelly at the dessert store there! VERY Q!!!! hahaha.

we went to far east for fried mars bars later. very suah ku rite? i've never eaten them. and i must say it tasted pretty good. much like a chocolatey caramelly goreng pisang. haha. too bad my camera batt died so no photos of that. awwww. next on my list is fried ice cream. anyone know where to get that?

went to meet kayjin elizabeth and ejay at vivocity after that. for a nice get together chat session. haha. i love (and miss) jc and undergrad days where we can just sit down and let the rubbish flow. very enjoyable. but i dont like vivocity. haha.

oh yes, jumping back on the timeline, i took a photo with some of the people from my office in my office around noon yesterday.

why am i wearing my graduation gown? well one of my colleagues (guess who) had her commencement ceremony a few days ago and brought her gown to take photos with us. i promised her i would bring my gown to take too. haha. taking photos is fun!

ok now that my camera is recharged, i shall snap more pics in future. haha. an estimate of 28 more days before i serve singapore again. haha.

still around...

2007-07-09T22:29:00.001+08:00

wow. it's been years since i last updated.

haha. and so much has happened in between:
1. i've finally submitted the first draft of my thesis.
2. i've gone for medical checkup for re-enlistment.
3. i've gotten new oakley spectacles.
4. i've gone for a briefing on the MAP/AS.
5. i've stayed in the office alone overnight to complete typing my thesis.
etc etc.

pretty good life these days. i'm relaxing in the office (any paradox here? hahahaha) and playing a good load of tennis and badminton. Speaking of badminton, gonna play with junquan tomorrow along with kayjin and lang. should be a pretty exciting game. haha. going to eat fried mars bar with junquan tmr. i can't say i've never heard of it, but i can say, i never actually wanted to eat it.

i'm not really looking forward to returning to the army. well not as much as i though i would in the past. i guess most of the people have gone, and i've more or less forgotten everything. was really hoping to be posted to school because, that's where you can learn. a place where you can teach is a place where you can learn.

honestly speaking, i've learnt a great deal from tutoring ma 1505 and 1506 this past year. it has cleared up all the grey areas and tied up all the loose ends i had when i was a bumbling year 1.

i think i must be the bane of all my colleagues in the office now. why? because i'm so god damned free now. haha. i wander around looking for people to chat with people to play games with and people to disturb. ain't i such an ass. hey it came at a price kay. i worked damn hard to finish it so i deserve the chance to disturb people. haha.

i have two bowls of crystal jade mango pudding staring at me now. tempting me to eat them. but i have just finished a bowl of yun tun la mian and 6 xiaolongbaos. not very keen on ingesting more stuff. haha.

ok ok time to pack my bak kwa into a box to keep into my office. haha. i'm sure my weight will be close to 70 plus once i return to the army. haha. yikes!

still here...

2007-06-12T14:44:00.000+08:00

haha. i'm still alive and kicking.

justine won her 3rd consec french open and 4th in total. she'll forever be an inspiration to me. haha.

was just thinking about continuing korean again. but alas, i really have to complete my thesis first. my supervisor has given me till the end of this month, but i hope to get it done before the 18th (payday). so i'll really have to push myself these few days. and then it's back to the army for me. because i'm actually hoping to study korean and or french, i really hope i get posted back to aomc. i mean i'd love it too if i went back to school to be an instructor or back to unit to be a gpo/fdo, but i think for the purpose of improviong my language skills, i think amoc would be the best option. haha. pray for me.

nothing significantly interesting has happened these weeks. or not that i can recall.

the teaching evaluation is out, but i'm not in school to collect it, so wuliang will pass it to me later. apparently i got 4.59 or something. pretty good but i was hoping for higher. some person actually gave me a 2!!! after all the work i put in. i got a 2?!?!? i mean, i think i deserve at least a 3 ba. oh well.

surdiman cup is on now. korea just beat indonesia!! haha think they should have no problems with hong kong. so i can only pray they beat denmark and then they will avoid china in the semis. haha.

hmmm and just for the sake of posting. i want to show u a picture i took on the train. this is an advertisement for long john silvers. is it just me or does anyone see something weird about this chicken. hint: my frend sez we're living in a very open minded society now. haha.

till next time. tata!

words...

2007-05-23T13:59:00.000+08:00

do you ever feel that sometimes when you talk to someone, you're not getting the real picture. sometimes i feel like i don't get the truth from other people, like they're saying something but actually deep in their heart, their genuine opinion directly contradicts the words coming out of their mouths.

but i can understand how this comes about sometimes. sometimes we just say the most politically correct thing.

sometimes we're too afraid of the repercussions of our opinon.

sometimes we just like to argue.

sometimes we just don't feel like explaining why we feel that way.

haha. but let's all try to honest every once in a while. haha. i realise my major reason is always the third one. haha. trying to be less antagonistic. =)

Long Ago

2007-05-13T10:25:00.000+08:00

update update!!

haha

i've been busy with the singapore open and with my thesis. haha. first off, the singapore open. haha. volunteered to help out at the event and was assigned 3 days to help out with the players' f&b. haha. which incidentally just has water bananas and apples/pears. quite pathetic but u'll be surprised how much fruit they can eat. haha.

my bad hair with hwang ji man 황지만... koreans are super friendly.

my bad hair with han sang hoon 한상훈... haha also very friendly...

slightly better hair with boonsak... the thais are also very friendly... haha...

my slightly better hair with saralee... haha... haven't edited the bad light balance...

last photo i took was with wei yili... i think she's probably the friendliest of all the chinese players... the rest of them very dao actually... haha...

overall quite a fun experience. met some interesting pple there too.

yes if you would notice, my hair for the first 2 photos look terrible. well, i'm trying to grow my hair. keep it a little longer so i can go get a nice haircut probably at the end of this month. i look like a freaking mop now though. haha.

anyway i got took these photos with my new sony t-100. bought to reward myself after a long week of work. haha.

yes now, the boring part. my thesis. helping my supervisor verify his conjecture on decomposition numbers. haha. meaning i have to check thru lots of data. so been quite busy with that. haha. but having fun at the same time too. really! haha.

feel like taking a break to go on a trip somewhere. but no $$$. sigh. maybe somewhere near in june ba. my iceland plan has totally been uprooted.

only a few months left before i re-enlist. haha. wonder what i'm going to do back in the army. will they really post me to the last unit i was at? *prays*

met herkx yesterday at cineleisure yesterday. he was having dinner with his other half. haha. man. i could almost imagine him in a nice suit and her in a gorgeous gown eating at some up-market restaurant. don't ask me why. it looked as though they were having a very engaging conversation with smiles and all. haha. ah bliss! haha.

anyway. gotta go out now. haha. catch ya around soon! ciao!

over!

2007-04-22T23:27:00.000+08:00

WOAH!!

it's been ages since i last updated!! all due to my busy schedule...

alot of things have happened... happee and sad... don't really want to talk about them though...

but now that my hectic consultation week is over (yes i've experienced what it was like to be talking from 11-9.30 almost continously) and my student's exams are over... i can take a short breather before i dive into my thesis again...

happy that a few students found the paper easy... and another group found that even though the paper was tough... they were happy because their effort coupled with my help would probably ensure they they jumped several grades up...

it was a bit saddening to know that sound students felt very traumatised by the papers when i expected them to do well though... well i guess that's how most teachers feel during the examination period...

anyway... lots of things i want to buy... but not enough money... a new handphone... a new digital camera... new spectacles... haha...

i just feel that with all the work i put in during the past 3 weeks... i deserve to pamper myself a bit with some indulgent shopping... guys shop ni different ways compared with girls... haha girls by lots of lower priced items and thus spend lots of time travelling from boutique to boutique amassing new wares... guys on the other hand target a few big expensive devices and spend hours making the decision on which to get...

haha anyway... will update more often from now since my days will be freer... haha... recover from flu first... haha... everyone take care... the flu bug's in the air!! (it rhymes!!)

another week

2007-04-03T00:43:00.000+08:00

haha another week has passed by. the end of the semester is already near. haha. gonna be busy helping my students get ready for exams. then, when everyone leaves school, i'll be stuck there for another 2.5 months doing my thesis. haha. and then army. haha.

things move on so quickly. time waits for no man. haha.

i think personally i learnt alot of things this sem. lessons of life. of laughter and of joy. of sadness and of pain. i learnt how people behave. how to be tolerant. how to adapt. how to behave. how to react. most of all, i learnt to embrace myself. i can't change who i am and in fact, why should i change? sure i may not be the nicest person in the world or the friendliest or the most hardworking (by a mile). but i think i've got a good head on my shoulders and i know what to do and what not to and i guess that's good enough for me now. haha.

had dinner with lang and gang last thursday. haha such a nice atmosphere the chat. haha. i really admire the man. he lives for his wife, math and tennis. such a simple man. and he's happy with the way his life is. haha or at least i think he is. wouldnt it be great if we were so easily contented with life? hahaha. i mean sure you may say "look at his paycheck! of course he's contented!" but i think he and wife combined spend less than me per month! haha. it's not about having alot. it's about demanding less. something i've gotta learn. haha.

Munchie Monkey Dinner

have lots of work to be done. thesis typing, notes for students, review for students, consultations. it's gonna be a hectic 3 weeks. anyway hope everyone's doing well. have a great week and remember to tell the people you care for that you indeed still do. haha! yes i still think about you my friends. haha.

happy

2007-03-25T16:11:00.000+08:00

it's been 11 days since my last most. and alot has happened. well not exactly. but i'm a very happy bunny (i still get goosebumps even thinking abt that phrase...) haha.

let's see. my old handphone died (and the revived partially) but not after I got a new nokia N73. Got a PSP too! and have been busy looking for cheap games to buy on ebay. haha. i'm making an effort to meet up with the people close to me as often as possible. so overall. i'm back to my normal happy self.

i think i'm a pretty easily satisfied guy. i don't need a big job, a big house, a big car etc. i think i just need company and companionship. but i think i'm still not too keen on the whole responsibility issue with marriage though. haha. scary huh. when the day comes and i find someone who thinks as weirdly and exactly as i do, then that would be a day to remember.

but since i highly doubt that day will come, i'll try to fill up that unfillable void with big jobs, big houses and big cars should i not be able to find the company. haha. i miss my friends alot. yeah i'm so overly dependent on them. it sux to be so out of touch with them and be so out of sync with the people currently around you. haha but that just makes you treasure the special people in your life more. haha.

ok. off to meet liang for dinner and then to ucc with ting to catch qiang's last performance. haha. 3 from my group of special friends. haha

swarm

2007-03-14T12:14:00.000+08:00

wow. again more than a week since i last updated. haha. really need to starting making an effort to write.

thesis is going on fine. tkm sez that we should be able to finish it up soon. and then the base for my thesis is done. the optional part is on some conjecture. he wants me to do an intensive 3 week research project on that conjecture. meaning everyday i'll hafta go to his office around 9 plus in the morning and work on that conjecture. and hopefully we can get something out of that. if not then i'll just submit the base of my project which should be enough to get my masters degree. haha phew.

just had a long tutorial session today. on laplace transforms. something i know nothing about. haha. but it wasnt too difficult to explain. just that i always feel like i cannot add value to the class because of my lack of knowledge. sigh. oh well. i cant possibly know everything rite?

i think in the past i mentioned something about race and nationality. the more i think about it, the more i feel that the sterotypes people make about one's race serve almost no positive purpose.

so what if i am a chinese. for sure i am, but that carries little weight on how i think or how i behave. for sure, the enviroment we grow up in will influence our thoughts and our beliefs. but to hear people tell me that i should do certain things because i am chinese is ridiculous. to make such comments about a person with respect to his/her country makes more sense (even though in the larger picture it still is rather misguided).

in the theory of animal behaviour, in particular herd behaviour, or even pertaining to insects, in the field of swarm behaviour, we must consider all entities as a single object that moves, breathes and functions as one. however, when we consider human populations, we rarely make generalised assumptions that we all act and think like one. our individual characteristcs are to distinct for us to be able to achieve such a unification of mind. so why then do we subject ourselves to the notion that just because we belong to a collective union that we must necessarily behave like so?

mostly, i think we tend to adopt a very digitalised view of everything. you're either part of the solution or part of the problem. so in our minds we either belong to one group or we dont. and if we do, then we are expected to behave in that swarm like way.

i really do not like other people telling me that chinese people should do this or not do that. because to me, i'm a human first, then singaporean and then chinese. my actions are first determined by my own traits, then the fact that i call some place my home, followed by the totally irrelevant and useless fact that i am chinese.

anyway, would mr sociologist care to comment?

oh ya. got my timing for the vertical marathon haha 14.15.01. a pretty average time i guess. more or less the same as herk and roon. haha oh well. aiming for 10 next year.

ok. i'm starting to feel drowsy. signing off now. you have a good week!

week

2007-03-03T08:17:00.000+08:00

wow. has it really been a week since my last post? haha.

what have i done this week? climbed 60 storeys during the vertical marathon (amazingly did not get aches after the race), started writting out the formal proof of lemma 3.1 (should send it to tkm on monday), invigilated 1506 midterms (quite boring actually), etc.

sometimes when i see the navy ad, you know, the one about "nick's life" and if your life will be as exciting? haha. yeah i wonder if mine is worthwhile too. haha.

ok short post today.

mess...

2007-02-22T11:58:00.000+08:00

phew. what a start to the new year!! been running around doing visiting, and more importantly, trying to get a new tennis racket. haha.

it's already mid feb and i have yet to come up with something substantial for my thesis. sometimes i worry, but i know it will be fine. i know i'll get through it. haha.

will be going for vertical marathon this coming sunday. hope my legs are in good condition then. haha. otherwise herk will have to carry me up. haha.

anyway, i was wondering to myself the otherday. and i was thinking about what would happen if i met someone exactly like me. would i like the person or hate the person. imagine that one person having exactly the same likes and dislikes as you, the same interests as you, the same goals as you, the same attitude as you. seems to make interacting with the person a very easy thing to do right? but somehow, i wasnt able to fully convince myself, that i would like a photocpoy of myself. i cant really put my finger on why i wouldnt, but the thought of it just isnt right. haha.

anyway i've got to get the review notes out for my students. haha. work time!

eureka!

2007-02-17T18:35:00.000+08:00

haha. i think i am finally begining to understand myself more. haha.

i realised on friday why i was so dependent on other perople. it's because i grew up being surrounded by lots of friends. when i think back to my childhood, i hung around groups of people throughout every stage of my education. i always did stuff with people. i ate with friends, played with friends, worked with friends, took the bus home with friends, slacked the day away in taka with friends. never once did i need to do anything by myself.

haha so now, when people get busy and i'm left on my own, it's natural i feel uncomfortable. haha.

but is being reliant really such a bad thing? haha.

i'm begining to think that this "flaw" might actually be a good thing. haha. nowadays, whenever i'm down, i just send an sms to a friend, or msn another. and immediately i get a reply, and life's good again! haha. so now, i think i'll embrace this fact. i might be too dependent on company, but i also have the best pool of friends one can have to satisfy this dependence! haha.

how that thought came into my mind? haha. well i was taking a rest before conducting tutorials on friday and was trying to catch some sleep while listening to the soundtrack from spirited away. and somehow, whenever i heard certain instruments playing, face of people from band started to appear in my mind, and i realised not only how much i missed alot of my friends, but also why i miss them so much! haha.

when you stick by each other, in frigid temperatures, hour after hour, grinding and polishing, trying together to make something happen, and invisible bond forms i guess. haha.

oh look at the time! haha gotta go for reunion dinner! haha. happy lunar new year to all!

streetwise...

2007-02-13T20:15:00.000+08:00

you know how they always say that although jc kids are in general academically 'superior' to most of their poly counterparts, the poly guys are in some sense more street smart.

recently i'm begining to feel that i'm pretty dumb when it comes to intelligence of human relations and social situations. haha!

just a nagging thought at times i guess. haha. going home to struggle to finish my pdf for my students. sigh. hope u had a good day everyone!

life in school

2007-02-12T22:25:00.000+08:00

i'm in the lab again. haha. and can you believe it? i'm actually starting to get used to this kind of life! *shudders*

haha. chinese new year this weekend. god damned chinese new year! that means no badminton AND tennis for me. and replacing that will be the annual task of visting people who you visit once a year and the on site ordeal of having to afix a plastic smile on your face for well about 2 days (at least!).

well the only good thing about chinese new year is that we have a reason to eat and get fat. i mean seriously, i'm not the least bit excited about the ang paos at all (maybe cos i keep getting abysmal amounts every year! haha!)

tried to straighten my fringe last night. i'm starting to look like the old superman with the curled up fringe, or as jamie used to put it, my temple haircut. haha. it worked for a bit, then somehow, it's curling again now. sigh. haha.

somedays when i get the time to sit and chat, i wonder how much i've changed over the years. and i think i've changed alot. i don't really like what's become of me though. i think if i were to get to know someone like myself, i'd be pretty darned irritated with the person. haha.

oh but the good thing is, i think i've proven a lemma for my thesis. so there. 1 new result! haha. hopefully more will come at a quicker pace! haha.

well to those eagerly anticipating v dae this wed, spend the time in the company of your loved ones or simply your best pals. haha. it's a day to be happy and to celebrate humanity. haha. and if you want a place to eat. avoid sakura! haha. i'm trying to dissuade people from going there so that at least herkx will have a quieter and more romantic time with joanne. haha. so shoo! go somewhere else. haha. ciao!

how to improve my tutorials?

2007-02-07T18:52:00.000+08:00

what a tiring day. had tutorials in the morning and felt that i didnt do a very good job. sigh.

really sleepy now because of sleeping at 2 and waking up at 6. no nap through the whole day as well.

had a 2 hour long discussion with a student on analysis and boy does it bring back bad memories. yucks!

haha. oh yes. watched the debates again last night and after the first round, i felt that NYGH was doing a pretty good job. but the second and third speakers and well their case in general left very much to be desired. i felt they lacked fluidity in their arguments and that only served to make one point stand out more that was necessary. the bad thing about that was that it seemed like their entire case was built on the fact that we're already up there in terms of service standards and that only some "fine-tuning" was required. no evidence no annecdotes and no substantiation. they were practically saying "yes we're there and all the improvements being made and all the measures being taken are all simply precautionary measures."

in contrast, uwc started off slowly (i think only a few guys can debate well anyway), but the 2 female representatives maggie and maria i think, managed to push their case forward and at the same time, deflect the rather hostile attacks from the opposition.

didnt watch the results show, but i'm pretty sure uwc won. haha. am i right?

anyway go read and watch the video there. so nice!
http://cjcphoto.com/can/

haha anyway hope everyone has had a good week.

workload

2007-02-03T09:02:00.000+08:00

well i shouldn't be complaining about my workload these days. i've asked for it.

I originally only had my thesis to complete. Now i have tutorial classes to conduct as well. But I've gone beyond that. I've an extra 2 hours of consultation a week, am part of a trio of tutors who decided to make an extra set of notes for the students, volunteered to be a friend and mentor to a year 2 undergraduate, etc.

Even though that may not sound like very much, people who know how much effort i put into things i volunteer for will know how heavy it will be for me. haha. but life's not all about relaxing and enjoying right? if i can make a difference, why not? (even though sometimes is overestimate my capabilities... haha...)

had a rather enjoyable day yesterday. had brunch with liang and then proceeded on to engine for tutorials. a massive group of students turned up for my second class. was pretty stunned for a moment there. haha.

then went to vivocity with liang and jialiang (dun ask me why they are both liangs). walked around and i wanted to buy this tommy hilfiger polo but sadly it was S$134 and there was only 15% discount. (wished i earned more money... haha).

so no work done yesterday but hey, everyone needs a break right? haha.

anyway it's the weekend again (which to me means typing out notes and preparing to see sup on tuesday... haha). hope everyone has a good one!

paper

2007-01-31T23:56:00.000+08:00

had my first bout of tutorial this week. went pretty ok i hope. 5 new students to my class. i guess that should be a good thing right? haha. jialiang sat in my class today and kept on laughing to himself. oh and i think my classes were pretty duh-ed out by how i could say the phrase "y multiplied by the integrating factor equals to the integral of the integrating factor multiplied by everything on the right." try saying that really quickly. i got a kick out of it (that's how sad my life is now haha).

oh and did i mention that i got a cubicle in the graduate office as well? haha spent the whole day there. well most of it i guess. did quite a bit of work. or at least tried to. hope i can get some progress on results. i feel as if tkm has been really patient with me. well he has always been. that's why i think he's a great supervisor.

today is gerri's bdae too! happy bdae!! haha. and tomorrow's dinner with her run'er weiquan and jamie is something to look forward to. havent seen wq and jamie for ages!!!

can you believe i'm still in the lab typing this now? haha. my sis wants me to go back and play fifa manager with her. apparently it's... errm... how should i put it in a politically correct way... it's now on my computer. haha.

OH OH OH!!

i must say something about what that silly girl did. haha. yesterday, she was printing her notes in central library. being very early in the morning she was first in the queue. so as she waited for her print job, a queue started to form behind her. but the printer just didnt print. so she was wondering what was going on. then after that, the girl behind her in the queue decided to go ask for help, and the lady arrived and said "oh someone is printing A3 ah?". my sis thought to herself "no not me." but when the lady placed the A3 sized paper into the printer, out came these totally blown up tutorials in A3 size! seriously, if i can take a photo of her with it, i'll upload it. haha. she'll never agree though. haha. but i'll try later. haha.

need to get some shut eye tonight. tomorrow will be a long BUT enjoyable day. haha. good nitez!

sacrifice...

2007-01-29T10:53:00.000+08:00

yesterday i had a good game of badminton. haha. wq and i managed to push herk and fran. haha. it's always tough when i partner wq. i guess our playing styles dont really match up that well. haha. so it always feels good when we are able to win or even push our opponents to the rubber.

also on badminton, lee yong dae/jung jae sung finally won the korean open! haha. perhaps this is a new dawn!

They beat compatriots Lee Jae Jin/Hwang Ji Man 21-16 21-15 in 29 mins!

not sure if i can get a game this week. badminton and tennis are like the only things keeping me sane these days. with most people being to busy to hang out, sports proves to be the best excuse i can give to meet up with my pals.

gerri's birthday this week. meeting roon and her for dinner this thursday.

my korean teacher has emailed me saying she understands my predicament but that she hopes i can still go for the remaining classes so that i won't feel so bad. hmmm. i don't know how i can not feel bad when i don't understand anything that's going on. haha. ok time to mull over it again. haha.

was talking to gerri the other day and we were on the subject of wanting things and sacrificing time for the things we want. is it really a proper gauge of how badly we want something? perhaps. the man who really wants to climb the coporate ladder will sacrifice time with his family to achieve his goals. the boy chasing after a particular girl will sacrifice as much of his time as possible in order to spend it with her. the single mom who wants to send her kids to the most expensive universities will sacrifice her time to take on 2 jobs just to make enough money to realise her dream. yes perhaps this is an indicator of how much one desires something.

it's common for everyone to have dreams. i want to do well in my studies. i want a good job. i want a happy life. but the question is this: when does the 'want' become so strong that you would sacrifice another part of your life for it? life's all about discovering for yourself what you value most and how you go about protecting your interest.

does one value money over love?
does one value freedom over companionship?
does one value fun over success?

these are things we need to sort out, before we can move steadily along the course of life.

heading to school now to sacrifice a bit of my own entertainment time for working on my thesis. haha.

slap!

2007-01-26T22:35:00.000+08:00

today i made a terrible decision. i decided to stop studying for korean. with everything that's been happening to me, i need to really focus all my attention on my thesis and my own mental sanity.

i feel as if i've let many people down. but most importantly, i feel as if i have let myself down, because i've given up. what a terrible way to do things. to give up. no honour, no respect.

i just hope that things will get better. phew! i certainly hope so.

had an interesting chat with jialiang in the consultation room today. haha. he was trying so hard to speak in english. haha. learnt quite a bit about chinese history from him. haha. i realise he's a pretty nice guy with no airs and certainly not very opinionated. basically just a good friend to chill with. haven't spoken to him much though.

let me try a message my korean classmate sent me when i told her i was dropping out. she's the 아줌마 (auntie) of the class. haha.
"Uncle how can u abandon us!? You are our pillar of strength and the only 'flower' in the midst of all the thorns leh... so heartless lor! No nam ja hak saeng, our dear eb wil no longer be able to hold her firey temper liao! Can u imagine the flaming fire coming our of her nose? U serious quitting at this stage? Complete lvl 2 lah... another 3 more su oup to go only."

haha. even though i felt terrible today, this sms brought a smile to my face. haha. it feels great to have a friend like her. haha. i'm lucky i have friends who are truely friends not just in name, but in action as well. there are people who willingly call you their friends but only look for you when they need u. these people i shall not be bothered with.

anyway i'm going to get some shut eye!

first tutorial

2007-01-24T07:39:00.000+08:00

my first tutorial of the sem starts in 1.5 hours!! haha. hope i prepared enough. haha. the first class you step into usually doesnt go so well. haha.

oh well. i'll see how it goes. will blog later! haha.

koreaaaaan

2007-01-20T13:21:00.000+08:00

had korean class last night again. the pace is picking up quite rapidly. initially i thought that this semester i would be able to catch up after last sem. but after missing 2 classes, 1 due to a holidaying trip and another due to the wretched flu bug, i found the going a little bit tough this time. i should either put in more effort, or not proceed on to level 3. haha. we'll see how the next 5 weeks go. everyone in class is feeling the stress. and this 아저씨 here is practically drowning in it. haha. oh and speaking of which, i've now been relegated to be the ONLY SOLE male in my korean class!!! haha. scary thought.

had a great supper with wu liang at clementi after class. the stresses of korean class always makes me hungry even if i had a full dinner. i must say that the prawn noodles at the coffee shop next to ntuc is much better than the one at the hawker centre!! haha. so wq u shld stop queuing up for the one there. haha.

helped jialiang edit his brother's personal statement for entry into ntu yesterday. haha. been a while since i've done some editing and boy was it tough. 2hr 45min was what it took. and it was 2 pages before i made any changes. editing is a tough job because you can freely express yourself. you're always constrained by the original author's intent. so it's tough to find a balance between making the sentence as good as possible and retaining the original meaning of the sentence.

it's raining again today. which makes it good for sleeping. but i think i should spend my time more wisely. haha. life's not all about hard work for sure, but it certainly isnt about sleeping as well. haha. i think the most important thing about life is that we must enjoy it. sure, for some of us, in order to enjoy life, we need to work hard first in order to achieve our dreams. however, i think sometimes we get too caught up in working and slogging away, all in the hope that someday we can just kick back and enjoy life fully, that we dun realise that life itself is slowly ticking away. even though hard work is something that should be embraces, we must always be sure not to lose oursleves in it. time for loved ones, time for friends, time for oneself. even though many people say it is important to be disciplined enough to work when it's time to work, i feel that it's equally important to play when it's time to play.

so when is it time to work or play. well, it really depends on one's priorities in life. if someone values $$$ much more than he/she values friendship, companionship and company, then naturally he/she would me more inclined towards a greater percentage of time spent work. the same is true conversely. for me, i'm the sort that needs to be around people. when is why i'd so often sacrifice almost any time i have for work just to hang around the people important to me. no doubt this means that i'm usually behind schedule when it comes to work, i feel that this is a very acceptable trade off.

anyway, thomas has lost his match against david ferrer. oh well. and then there were 2. haha. hopefully they both make it to the finals. haha.

dementieva 6-1 6-3 over elena camerin.

nalbandian 5-7 4-6 7-6(4) 6-4 6-1 over grosjean. phew!

well. the rain has stopped and i shall head on to school! haha!

3 backhands

2007-01-16T13:34:00.000+08:00

after the withdrawal of Justine, Lindsay and Tim, (which half spolied my Australian Open 2007 experience), i'm glad the other 3 have made it through to the second round.

Nalbandian 6-7(5) 4-6 7-6(2) 6-0 2-1 Ret. over Tipsarevic.

Dementieva 6-1 6-2 over Foretz.

Johansson 6-4 3-6 1-6 6-4 6-2 over Chiudinelli.

no more interesting matches for me to watch now, so I'll be heading over to school. haha. think some people don't want to see me there, so I shall keep a low profile. haha.

submitting thesis for yongquan today. you know. when people recognise you by mentioning you to someone, by explicitly thanking you, by including you in the acknowledgements, it feels good because you know you've made a difference in someone's life. it spurs you on to do better things. some people think that it's pointless to yearn for praises from others. but i think, life is about making yourself and others happy, and no matter how one can try to deny it, it feel really good to hear someone praise you.

i'm honoured to have been included in the acknowledgement sections of the theses (plural of thesis) of 2 friends: yongquan and wanmei. haha. after reading it, i feel glad that i've been a good friend to them and have made a positive impact on their lives. i'm happy they made it through part of life's journey, with me beside them.

ok short post today, will post more tomorrow when francis gives me the photos. haha. slow coach. haha. in the meantime, take care folks!

on the road...

2007-01-10T08:19:00.000+08:00

must drop by to see tkm today. otherwise i'll be branded a usless bum if not by him, then by myself!

watched the debate programme on channel 5 last night. well just a teeny bit. i didn't think the debate went too well. the motion was something like looks triumph over effort the proposition came from loyang decondary. the opposition was from RI. all in all, i felt they were not really debating. it was more like a sad slugfest with each one of them completely missing each other. Iimean I really did enjoy the SIA JC debates when they were still telecast on television.

the first speaker from the proposition sounded a little contrived. she was over-enunciating every single word which made her sound as if the proposition had very little points to cover and were dragging for time. this was made worse when the first speaker from the opposition, an RI boy who is kind fo like me, able to speak when prepared but start forming very grammatically questionable sentences when in the spotight, started his bout of interuptions. he spoke with a monotonic matter-of-fact voice, that when juxtaposed with the girl, almost seemed to run at the speed of light, and efficiently took his opponent apart. for me, i lost interest right after the first round and didn't bother to even watch the remainder of the competition. i left the television on though and from another room across the hallway, i could hear that the tensions rose as the second and third speakers took positions. interestingly enough, everyone seems to just be debating about beckham. the proposition claimed and reiterated possibly 20 times (i kid you not) that the extra cash in beckham's wallet as compared to the wallet of someone of the same calibre as him was due simply to his pretty boy good looks (AND they then went on to say that this means that looks triumph over effort). i never saw the link and got increasingly irritated when they mentioned it again and again. i mean if one wants to compare the effects of looks and hard work, one needs to start with a base: 2 people of similar standings, on who does nothing more but has good looks, and the other without that aesthetic gift but who works at bettering the situation. so in the beckham case, who are they comparing him with? who in the soccer industry work hard at getting endorsements? i mean you can't just say that beckham earns more than his contempories and thus the motion must stand. it's like saying, fish swim and so birds fly. anyway it was sad the opposition didn't pounce on this like a tiger on an injured prey. the RI didn't seem to realise that when you're being buzzed out, the best thing he should do is to wrap up, rather than go ahead and introduce a new point. it kind of made me feel like he just wanted to state that as a fact and hope that the judges would buy it. haha. i didn't stay on to watch so i cannot comment about the rest, but i heard the results were quite close. haha.

anyway. i should take a shower an head on to school soon. haha. debates. i miss debates during GP in RJ. dun you too herk? haha.

fight!

2007-01-09T09:21:00.000+08:00

i hate being sick because it isolates you. you're stuck at home. in the bed. and when you cant seem to get to sleep, all you have for company is the sound of the fan tilted at an angle parallel to you so that it doesnt direct blow at you and cause pneumonia.

but of course it helps to have a sister who is sick as well. haha.

spent my day looking at different menu's for chinese new year reunion dinner. haha. decided i shall split the cost with my mum this year. so we should go somewhere nic-ER. haha.

i've taken this period of illness to try and see if i can fill my life up with as many people as possible. to see if i can jump start the waning badminton clique. to see if i can organise regular luncheons with my pals. i've been so caught up with trying to fill my life with their presences that i realise that after so long, i'm still so heavily dependent on them. haha. i guess i was a little frightened that the scenario of the past year might just play itself out again. wake up. go for classes. come home. log on. go to sleep. kind of a sad life. no purpose no meaning nobody. if i had to lead a life like that again, i'd much rather not live.

a frend of mine (name withheld to protect his identity haha) gave a summary of his girl problems recently. basically, the idea is this. if you like the girl and she likes you too, but she has a temper of a pregnant cat and treats you like grime on the pavement, then there is NO hope. period. that was his analysis. haha. i agree totally but my only question would be why anyone would want to make friends with a girl like that in the first place. haha.

anyway. i should be getting some work done. i feel i should pop by school to at least see tkm today. and maybe ask lang when he wants to play badminton. haha.

it's the australian open next fortnight. but with lindsay pregnant, justine out because of "personal reasons", and henman out due to injury, that leaves johansson, who's not playing like an aust open champion anymore, nalbandian who lost in the first round last week, and dementieva, who has yet to fix her serve. haha. woe is me! woe is me!

maybe i should be heading up to malaysia to watch badminton. haha. nah!

alrighty. have a good day everyone!

ill...

2007-01-03T21:23:00.000+08:00

what a way to start the new year!

i'm coming down with a flu i think. muscle aches and cold shivers now. hate that feeling. just took 6 panadols throughout the course of the day. hopefully it'll get better soon. sigh.

everyone else, pls drink h2o and exercise more. weather isnt too good these days.

Happy New Year

2007-01-02T10:46:00.000+08:00

Happy New Year to one and all!!

i haven't thought of exact resolutions to make this year, but in general, the spirit remains the same: to be a better person in all aspects.

me disturbing francis who was "diligently" counting people.

spent the evening of new year's eve at the esplanade. was there for the countdown and fireworks display with liang. sadly, there wasn't a countdown, or if there was, we couldn't hear it (and we were standing almost next to the amphitheatre. anyway, saw francis and hz there also. BUT they were working haha. the fireworks were quite good though.

getting out after midnight was a nightmare. luckily i suggested walking to Bugis, and thankfully, liang remembered the way there from city hall. so, we made it to an almost empty Bugis station and got seats all the way back to Clementi.

fireworks!! hey there was a piece called fireworks rite? haha

anyway, spent the evening of new year's day catching up with rj band pple at shue's house. chatted with dilin after no seeing him for ages. all in all, it was an extraordinarily enjoyable evening. everytime i go for outings like this, i always think about the good ol' jc days. haha. will upload photos when francis decides to send them to me. haha.

i had a dream last night. no not of equality amongst whites and blacks. haha. but as with all dreams, i cannot consciously recall most of the details. i just remember being confronted by a throng of people and having a single other person stand up and defend me. and then when i woke up, i thought to myself: how nice it would be to fill your life with person(s) like that. those that are willing to support you even though your ideas seem radical. and then i asked myself if i could be someone like that for somebody else. and i couldnt give an immediate and resounding yes. so how could i expect something like that from a person but yet not be someone like that. haha. and besides, it's so easy for someone to just say that he/she would stand by you through thick and thin (think marriage vows), but in reality, how often do people really uphold them? i guess the only way really, is to wait for a mass of angry peasants to point their pitchforks at you and see if anyone jumps in between those pointy prongs and yourself. somehow, i wish my dream materializes someday. haha. for it is only in adversity that we can see the true hearts of men.

anyway, my niece is coming today for dinner. luckily my sister is around to "entertain" her. haha. i'm so bad with kids. i havent a clue as to what to do with them. if i could, i would just tie her to a chair in front of the television and ask let her have an entire afternoon of the disney channel. haha. anyway, have good rest today. teachers begin work tmr, students return tmr (other than NUS), doctors (HOs) changing posting tmr (and poor gerri's on call)... have a good start to 2007 you guys!

intermediate

2006-12-30T12:27:00.000+08:00

had a busy schedule since Xmas. had dinner with jamie francis and gerri + family at her house. gerri decided to treat us to a real xmas dinner with turkey, honey backed ham, stuffing, etc. haha. was pretty good i must say. apparently they all like bailey's irish cream which on my first try without coffee tasted pretty sweet. too sweet for my taste in fact. haha. think i will stick with vodka. the ham and gerri's mom's chicken wings were great. the pie and log cake were pretty good too. haha. all in all, a sumptous evening. ended up playing bridge and taboo later on. haha. francis is damn good at taboo. haha. luckily i was his partner and hence we won. it's been such a long while since i've had this much fun with the band pple. i miss the good ol' jc days!

went out with qiang to get ting's belated present as well. followed by studying in school with liang. managed to get some work done so i think i'll be ready to meet tkm again soon. haha. had dinner at sukiya and bought konnyaku jelly home. my mum finished half of it!! and now she's addicted to it. imagine this! she's going all the way to holland v now to see if sushi tei has them!! haha.

went for rwinds concert and i must say that aside from the solos from the horns and the oboes, i thought it went pretty well. at least, i felt it sounded better than last year's. haha. good improvement! haha.

stayed over at liang's house cos my dad got a contractor to resolve the leaving kitchen ceiling. apparently they needed extensive work on both floors, so we all had to vacate the house. haha. grandma and maid went to auntie's house, mom left early for work, and sister was at a chalet. haha. so thankfully, liang was willing to let me stay. haha.

came back to a rather empty house. and we can't use water on the second floor till sunday!! which means i've gotta bathe in the laundry area till sunday! eeks!

ok i'm going to get a haircut. maybe type more when i get back. ooh. mom bought subway for lunch! yumz!

MERRY XMAS!

2006-12-25T10:49:00.000+08:00

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!!

holiday season

2006-12-22T09:56:00.000+08:00

haha finally met up with tkm yesterday, after nearly 6 months. discussed lemma 3.1 and proposition 4.1 pretty smoothly and then proceeded to have lunch at sukiya with him. haha. he's such a dedicated father and a good role model. haha. he was worried about his kids who he left at the childcare centre at kent vale that he decided to pop by after lunch to see how they were coping! haha.

anyway, i stupidly forgot to bring my long overdue library book to school when i went to meet tkm. i probably owe the library like $4 worth of fines! anyway dropped by the library after dinner with wu liang yesterday to return the book.

no korean classes for the next 2 weeks. sigh.

have a good day ya all.

most excellent

2006-12-20T01:34:00.000+08:00

wow. back from an outing.

thought i would celebrate my birthday alone at home. but hexiang came over unexpectedly. with 2 cakes! a small tiramisu from breckos i think, which tasted pretty good. and a big pandan kaya one from bengawan solo, my favourite cake from there. haha. chatted with him at home the whole afternoon. haha it was fun cos i havent really chatted with him for almost a year. i always miss jc life because then we met our friends everyday and had the chance to just sit down and talk about the most senseless things. haha yes herk, we certainly should do this more often. haha. he gave me a ride to the dover mrt after that.

haha a pic of the nice guy who surprised me and sent me to the mrt. haha. GAM SA HAB NI DA! 감사합니다!!

went to city hall to meet qiang and ting for dinner. realised i owed them 2 treats. 1 for getting CAP 5 2 sems ago, and 1 for beating them CAP-wise last sem. so i decided to let they choose where to calim the treat. haha. gave them 3 options. the sushi tei at raffles city, aiwo at raffles city or preggos at swissotel. haha qiang immediately removed preggos from the list because he said it was too expensive. haha that's the problem with letting the treat-ees choose. they become too paiseh to choose expensive places. haha but to me, since i've decided to treat them, the price is not of primary concern since i value our friendship alot more!

anyway they eventually chose aiwo, the health restaurant. haha. they had some chicken stuff with i thought didnt taste very good, but my grilled cod was simply delicious. haha. i love cod. second favourite fish after artic char. haha. we had a good chat after that all the way till 10 before we headed down to menotti for dessert where i treated them to coffee and pastries. haha. they decided to treat it as if i had treated them twice already. haha.

us artillery brothers. haha. i look so hagard though. haha.

haha. all in all, i had a wonderful birthday. haha. the company was most excellent! actually, i was most surprised by herk who practically insisted in coming over to my house even though i kept telling him my oom was messy and there were alot of poeple at home. haha. i love getting pleasantly surprised. haha. i count friends like him among my blessings. haha. i'm very happy! =)

birthday

2006-12-19T11:18:00.000+08:00

haha i love birthdays.

i love it when i recieve an sms or a phonecall and the other person says "happy birthday dude!". I don't know why but at least i feel appreciated. that someone out there took the effort to try and remember and then took somemore effort to send a greeting. haha.

woke up this morning. and checked my email. had a message from friendster so i was about to delete when i saw the title "someone has sent you a smile". was intrigued. so i logged onto friendster and there lay a happy birthday message from kayjin! haha. it's tiny things like this that make me happy. haha. like i always tell my friends i don't need expensive gifts or dinners. just their company and a bit of their time will do. haha. but i must say, the friendster message from kayjin was totally unexpected and its these kinds of things that leave a lasting impression. haha. big thx to my shi xiong!

haha there's a 2 week break from korean. but in the meantime i've gotta work on my thesis. gotta get all the distractions out of my head and do at least wat tkm expects of me first. haha. easier sed than done though. cos if i could so easily accomplish such a task, i would have already been a graduate from some ivy league uni in the states (well maybe). haha. sadly concentrating on work has never been my forte. haha. in fact, i can consider it my worst attribute. haha. i have the attention span of a cucumber when it comes to studying!

going out with qiang and ting tonight. supposed to treat them for my CAP 5 last sem.

i was watching 내 이름은 김삼순 and got this very famous and perhaps overused quote which i hope will one day really be my mantra.

dance like no one's watching.
sing like no one's listening.
work like you don't need the money.
love like you've never been hurt.
live like there's no tomorrow.

i think sometimes we get to caught up in worrying about what others think, how others feel, about the infinite possibilities in the future, about the potential for disaster, we forget to do the one thing we are supposed to do: LIVE. i know how i keep saying i don't want to live past 70 but that doesnt mean life isnt precious to me. in fact, it makes it all the more important. so i should live everyday as if it were my last, imagining i have terminal stage cancer. haha. why should i worry about tomorrow when there is enough to be concerned about today? why should i bother if people dont appreciate me? why should my life be miserable because of others? haha. today, on my birthday, i realised this. for every one person that has hurts you, there are a dozen more who are willing to comfort you. haha. it just depends on your outlook towards life. haha every individual has the potential to hurt you. but if you were to be bothered about how the person has or can hurt you, then you'll miss out on how the person has or can bring a smile to your face. haha.

new blog song:
Digital Love by Daft Punk

Last night I had a dream about you
In this dream I'm dancing right beside you
And it looked like everyone was having fun
the kind of feeling I've waited so long
Don't stop come a little closer
As we jam the rythm gets stronger
There's nothing wrong with just a little little fun
We were dancing all night long
The time is right to put my arms around you
You're feeling right
You wrap your arms around too
But suddenly I feel the shining sun
Before I knew it this dream was all gone
Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
I wish this dream comes true
Ooh I don't know what to do
About this dream and you
We'll make this dream come true
Why don't you play the game?
Why don't you play the game?

ok chatting with herk now. shall stop here for now. haha. have a great day everyone!

sat lunch/dinner

2006-12-17T13:10:00.000+08:00

had an exceptional day yesterady. 2 treats to excellent food.

i didn't really sleep the night because i was thinking of stuff. so i though i would be too tired to enjoy the day. but i was so wrong!!

got ready to meet the dai di brothers at 10 and left about 1130. that still didnt prevent me from being late though. haha. joined terence jiaen and caleb at out of the pan at raffles city and as usual had peking duck. after they insisted on treating me for lunch, we adjourned to gloria jean's later for coffee and more chatting, where i now insisted on buying them a cuppa. haha i think sometimes in life, u get to know a group of friends who dun judge u and who dun expect anything from u. and everytime u meet up with them, u enjoy each others company. i think the dai di brothers are a group of such frends for me. haha a pity we didnt have cards to play dai di. haha! terence is due for marriage next year and jiaen pretty soon after i reckon. haha so right now, we're helping caleb look for someone. haha. anyone interested in a intelligent witty graduate from Ecole Centrale de Paris? haha an avid sports man (read pole vaulter and fencer), and braniac (read quantum physicist). haha!

anyway terence passed me a hardcover version of gordon james' representations and characters of groups!!! with martin liebeck's autograph!!!!! he tried to get gordon james' but he wasnt too contactable! hahaha. was soooo surprised when i recieved it! haha.

terence's present!

we started lunch at 1230h and only finished talking at about 4 when jiaen had to go meet his girlfriend. haha. and it was non stop chatter amongst us 4! haha. i really love such outings. caught a train home after that. by the time i reached home, i was dead tired. fell asleep snoring (probably) till about 6. took a shower and got ready to meet wu liang yong quan and wanmei (aka the tutors) haha!

arrived at au petit salut (a nice cosy french restaurant near holland village) about 7-ish. nice ambience, low light, nice background music but yet a friendly enough atmosphere that aloows one to relax and have a hearty chat. haha. i always have a ball of a time with the tutors. haha wanmei's nonstop chatter and wealth of stories. yongquan's silent smile and his ability to put up with consistant (friendly) riddicule (read suanning). and wu liang's perpectual distracted look, hearty laughter, and sometimes naughty comments.

the service was excellent. waiters/waitresses always on hand to help in any way they can. we eventually decided on a sharing dinner, with, for starters, escargot (how could one go without those snails), foie gras (duck/goose liver). had a quail meat dish and another prime beef dish as our mains (those were absolutely yummy), and had a taste of 4 different kinds of dessert including crème brûlée and strawberry sorbet. all in all, a VERY satisfying meal. i would definately go back again if i had the $$$ haha.

i was feeling so happy today, i decided to buy them drinks at wala wala. however, we felt the place to be a little hot and studdy, and so proceeded on to harry's for drinks. ordered 4 different cocktails and rotated them about trying all 4. apparently 2 tasted fruit juicy and 2 more alcohol-y haha. in the end, we played the number guessing game to finish up the drinks because they were all afraid of getting tipsy (hey what? we dont drink that often you know!) haha!

in the end, wanmei was the ultimate winner only hitting the number 2, while wu liang was the ultimate loser (4 penalties), haha i think on 2 or 3 occasions due to my picking the right number and leaving him with no choice but to choose the preset one. haha.

all in all! it was a wonderful day! haha i felt as if it was really my birthday. haha! well

phuket

2006-12-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

got back from phuket not too long ago. haha. was a really fun filled trip. haha but i went to puket tired and came back even more tired. haha. my original intention was to go to phuket and to enjoy doing nothing (or close to nothing) on the beach. hence my decision to opt for Kata beach instead of Patong. however, as fate would have it. we didnt really have time to do nothing. i'm glad however, that the company was excellent. haha.

a sad thing or rather a stupid thing, was that i lost my oakley's! yes 500 bucks to the sea god, who according to francis might grant me perfect eyesight if i pray hard enough since i gave him such an expensive offering. haha. anyway i was on a banana boat and i sort of expected the boat to capsize. so i was holding on to my specs at the time when it really did. but it didnt help at all. i should have taken them off before the ride. how stupid could i get rite?

anyway that means i gotta make a new pair soon. think wu liang needs to make a pair to so shall go scouting around on friday probably.

tkm is back and he emailed me today. looks like it's time for me to start working on my thesis again. haha. i cant even remember what i studied before this semester!!

anyway wanmei organised a dinner at au petit salut to celebrate my birthday on the 16th. this saturday. and i think they're gonna treat me, as is the trend!! haha. how cool is that. being treated to a restraunt u've wanted to eat at for soooooooo loooonnng. haha. and i think to quote yongquan, "it's hard not be happy around you three" haha. we're just a bunch of nutty tutors. haha.

my korean classmate has already emailed me with the homework for last week and i've to get it done soon. haha. i think i'm sliding in korean class. haha need to buck up.

the year is coming to an end soon. and a new one will begin. every year around the time of my birthday, i'll start to reflect on the events of the past year. this year has been a good one for me. haha. the new friends i've made, the happy times, the struggle through adversity and the eventual success, the company of important people around me, etc, everything i've experienced and learnt from has been very beneficial. all i hope for in the next year is for the company of the same group of close friends, and a chance to show to myself that for whatever mistakes i've made this year, i've learnt from them and will not make them again.

anyway here's me whining again. there are VERY few people, who would come up to me and say "hey nic, this present if for your birthday, and this other one is for Xmas." haha. it sux having your bdae near and xmas. haha i feel quite cheated every year cos i dun get my fair share of presents!!! HAHAHHAHAHA. so to all reading this, you noe what to do, unless i havent given u a bdae present hahahahah.

in the process of editing my pics. haha but here's one for the people who need a pic. this is me in the middle of a bungy jump. yes. after the jump, during the oscillation, before i was let down.

haha bungy jumping... check... now on to skydiving... haha

haha anyway have a good week everyone! haha. but dun forget my birthday too! haha

Brazil Churrascaria

2006-12-06T09:10:00.000+08:00

ah had an excellent time at Brazil Churrascaria last night. excellent food, excellent drinks, but most importantly, excellent company.

as we were celebrating yongquan's birthday, he had the honour of choosing the restaurant. haha. although perhaps i did have some sort of decision over it. haha. hey i don't always bully him as what most people think. tried some brazillian white rum cocktail thing. it was quite sweet. probably sweeter than the normal (is there one that is normal?) rum. but i suppose the alcohol content was pretty low because i didnt even feel a thing.

had all sorts of different meats last nite. i think this must have been the most meat i've ever eaten in one sitting in my entire life. haha from beef hump (which has now become wu liang's meat of choice), to chicken heart (which tasted pretty ok when i added this parsely vegetable dip thing to get rid of the smell, but wasnt too appealing to me when i ate the second one without).

i must say though that the price was a little steep for the meal. a little more and we could have enjoyed a meal at les amis. but it was worth it.

proceeded on to venezia to grab some ice cream. and it was only there that i finally decided to use the camera i brought (what a stupid thing to so right)?

time for me to get a new camera. the iso400 setting photos look very terrible. and the iso 64 ones are too blur because of movement and low light.

anyway, going phuket in 2 days time!! hope it'll be a great trip!! haha

sleepless nights

2006-12-05T06:26:00.000+08:00

couldnt really get to sleep again. and as a result. i'm typing this blog at 6 am in the morning. haha.

going out to celebrate yongquan's birthday later at Brazil Churrascaria. heard about this restaurant for a long time. so i will finally get to see how good it is. maybe i can indulge in some venezia icecream after that as well!!!

what would you do with someone who takes you for granted. you know. the kind of person that comes looking for you only when he/she is in need of your help. do still carry on helping the person? or is it only right that you refuse help the next time he/she approaches you? i guess in some senses, like what terence would say, i'm a rather soft person. so most of the time, i'm always being taken advantage of. for example, people who look for me when they want to copy my homework, or when they are in need of help with something, or when they have no one else to turn to, know that i will very rarely turn them away. so can you really consider that my weakness? because i don't stand up for myself in this unfair treatment of affairs. or is it my strength in that i'm still willing (sometimes grudgingly though but nonetheless willing) to offer my help regardless of circumstances. i dont know, but certainly, it's very tiring if you give all the time even to people who just treat you like nothing more than a permanent source of aid. thankfully for me, i'm not that noble a person. thankfully i don't ALWAYS help. i think a person who can do something like that is someone extraordinary. someone with a great heart, compassion, and a genuine love for everyone around him/her.

anyway, looking forward to dinner tonight. ciao!